46. Finding Mental Clarity In Your Coaching Business - Evercoach - By Mindvalley

November 16, 2021

46. Finding Mental Clarity In Your Coaching Business

Tune into this live coaching session where Coach Ajit coaches Elena, a new part-time coach who is struggling between her 3 lines of work and unsure of how to make her coaching business a full-time career.  In this raw coaching conversation, you...

It’s a known fact that most new coaches struggle with confidence and it is mostly due to their belief in their competence.

"You need to approach confidence as a skill."" – Ajit Nawalkha

Years of programming can chip away our confidence in our abilities. As a coach, you are often in the public eye and your confidence level can drop with comments and projections on what you do and how you do it.

"Trust is the foundation of Confidence." – Ajit Nawalkha

If you are new to coaching and struggle with confidence, this episode is a masterclass for you as we dive deep into how to improve self-confidence as a coach.

Why are we not confident?

How to break the confidence-competence loop to increase your confidence

Psychological shifts to help build confidence in your abilities and results

A clear path to being a confident coach

Coach Ajit (00:00):
You are listening to Master Coaching with Ajit podcast that inspires coaches to impact the lives of their clients more meaningfully. I am Coach Ajit and I'm known for coaching high performers, entrepreneurs, and leaders. I'm also a serial entrepreneur and author of many books. On this podcast, I am answering your burning questions. I'm also demonstrating and deconstructing behind-the-scenes coaching sessions. And in today's episode, we are talking about clarity and long-term goals. And we are talking about the role of dopamine in our day-to-day life and how to help ourselves really get out of that cycle. And we are talking about all of this fun stuff because I got a chance to coach Elena Sato. Elena Sato reached out to be coached on this podcast with the intention of finding a way to not keep her busy. And as you will find out in this coaching conversation, it wasn't about keeping busy. It was about decisionmaking. It was about having clarity. It was about having alignment to long-term clarity toward shortterm goals. While I would love to have talked to Elena a lot more than what I got a chance to. I still feel that this conversation will be tremendously helpful to you. If you are working on your own personal clarity or you're working with clients that seek clarity in this episode, you will see us bounce around different ideas until we really find what would be most powerful for Elena.

You will hear me follow the same four-part structure that I recommend all coaches follow. You will hear me build rapport. Then you will hear me set the objective. Then you'll hear me coach Elena. And then you will also hear how I share with her some action steps that she will be taking for the next 30 days that I believe will help her get past her current challenges. Now, I highly recommend that if what we talk about in this podcast lands for you as a person to re-listen to it at your own pace. The reason why that might be useful is because very often during these podcast recordings, I give away a lot of tools that you can use in your own coaching practice. I highly encourage you that you use those coaching tools when you're working with your clients. When you get a chance, do make sure that you subscribe to this podcast. If you subscribe to this podcast, every single time we release a new episode, you will be able to see that in whatever app you use to listen to podcasts every single week, we release deep, meaningful episodes on different ideas, different strategies that you can use to coach your clients. So go ahead. And if you haven't get subscribed to this podcast, go ahead and subscribe to the podcast. We really appreciate your reviews. If you get a chance, leave us a review here at Master Coaching with Ajit podcast. Now, without further ado, let's listen in to my coaching conversation with Elena Sato. How are you doing, Elena?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (03:03):
Thank you so much for this time. I really appreciate it.

Coach Ajit (03:08):
I'm looking forward to our conversation. I looked a little bit about our, our setup for the call. I looked at the question that you sent in, but before we go into all of that, how are you feeling today?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (03:18):
Very good. I, I had a time of, uh, uh, a lot of stress and being overwhelmed, but this week actually I feel much better and, uh, things are starting to feel easier somehow. So yeah, I feel good this week.

Coach Ajit (03:37):
Share with me something that might have happened today. That was exciting and elating for you. Something that you are like, yay, this happened today.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (03:45):
Uh, so I'm in a situation where I'm looking for a new flat, uh, and it's quite difficult to find something nice. And it probably, yeah, everyone goes through this at some point. So you always have to compromise with something. And in addition to everything, uh, I want to adopt a dog and, uh, looking for a flood with the idea of adopting a dog is even more challenging. Cause the nice flats are not available for people with pets usually. And yeah, I just got a call from one of the landlords that probably was the best flood I've seen so far who said that they really like us. So they would allow us to have the pets and we can have that flood, which is great news. So yeah, this is, I think the most exciting thing from today

Coach Ajit (04:35):
Wow. That's beautiful. Finding a home to live and having the right environment with the kind of things around it is, is paramount to our help and happiness. Right? If you love dogs, and have a dog around. It's good.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (04:46):
Yeah. It's really important to wear. And how you wake up. I think.

Coach Ajit (04:49):
Beautiful, beautiful. Well, that's an exciting note to start. Seems like you had a big win today now, before we get started, I would like to kind of reorganize our minds in a way and, and reflect on what would it, what would make this coaching session, a great coaching session for you?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (05:08):
Yeah, I need to, I would say make a decision, but at the same time, I very often find myself in a similar situation, uh, with too many projects and, uh, things to do. So I think I need to work on this, like in a more general sense that I always put myself in a situation where I'm overwhelmed with too much work on different projects. So if you can help me with that to, to find a way to manage that better, that will be absolutely making.

Coach Ajit (05:41):
So you're finding yourself creating enough projects or work that you feel, um, pretty consistently. Yes. Is it a, some, is it something that you have always followed as a pattern in life or is something recent?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (05:53):
Uh, it seems like it's been like that for a few years. Quite a few years. So I don't know if it was my whole life, but definitely the last, uh, five, 10 years.

Coach Ajit (06:03):
Mm, OK. and is there a particular kind or particular area in life where you find yourself falling for this pattern more, more often and more frequently

Elena Sato (Coachee) (06:13):
It's usually related to work and the work projects that I'm interested in.

Coach Ajit (06:18):
Mm it's. Not everywhere in life where you overstretch yourself. Like not with friends, not with family. Just find when it's about work, you overstretch yourself, you over-commit. Would that be accurate? What I just said

Elena Sato (Coachee) (06:31):
Now that you say that? I think I used to do that with friends. Like I would just give too much of my time to, to friends, but I stopped doing that and maybe shifted it to work.

Coach Ajit (06:41):

Elena Sato (Coachee) (06:42):
Mm. Yeah. So I don't do it with friends anymore, I think.

Coach Ajit (06:45):
Elena, if I was to ask you, what is work for you? What is the, what is the purpose of work for you? What is the meaning of work for you? Why do you work?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (06:56):
Well, several reasons, of course, I, I like to get paid, uh, for what I do, but, uh, it's really important actually what I do. Uh, and I don't want to just do anything of course, but I get excited about a lot of different things and I like to be busy, I think so. So that's where I lose the balance and just fall into the trap of being to busy and not being able to enjoy my life. from too many projects, but I do enjoy being busy. It's just, it just becomes too much because it's not controlled

Coach Ajit (07:38):
Properly. And what is it that you, you like being busy is what you said. what do you mean by you? Like being busy? What is busy like to you? And also somewhere in our conversation, you mentioned I'm not in balance. Explain to me what busy life looks like to you or busy being busy, looks like to you and also then reflect on the idea of balance a little bit for me. So we can, we can explore what that looks like.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (08:07):
Okay. So at the moment I can say I have three work projects and they are a company that I work for. Part-time my own business. And then trying to create a coaching practice, which is not really working out that well, but I do have one client, uh, that I'm meeting regularly. And I really like all of these things. So because I have a lot of energy every time that I find myself with some spare time, I know I can do something to drive either one of my project, uh, personal project or something that I maybe delayed at work. And I don't switch off the emails or I don't stop checking them. And I don't in my mind, don't switch off because I like this feeling of being productive and driving really see results. When I do that. So of where the balance is lacking is really this ability to off and just do nothing. And when I try to do that, I feel very uncomfortable. I don't know what to do, and I do meditate every day. So, um, I do have this time to switch off, but it's not enough cuz it's again, scheduled and in a way controlled, this is some certain minutes that I sit and, and then I just stand up and start being busy again. So balance would mean to switch off sometimes and not think about anything work-related. And I have had this kind of experience, uh, in the past where I went, uh, let's say traveling for a few months or I went on a silent retreat for a week and this is where I could really switch off and feel that peace in my mind and in my body. But it's really difficult to achieve anything near that in my daily life, even on the weekend or even if I take a short holiday. So yeah, I, I miss that feeling of being just free to do nothing and to worry about nothing other than my food or like some simple things so balance would be the ability to, to have both the busy time and the completely off time.

Coach Ajit (10:33):
Could I reflect back to, to make sure I understand what I'm hearing and you can correct me if my understanding is inaccurate. I think what I'm understanding, what I'm hearing is that you like being busy and what you would like to introduce in your life is a little bit of downtime, uh, which involves no work for a short period of time. And that may be, I don't know the really extent of the timeline that you're expecting yourself to do this, but let's say every, every month you get five days, I'm izing here. I'm not saying what you didn't really say, but every month, five days you'll like to slow down and not have anything on your plate and be able to really disconnect from everything. Is that close to the understanding of what balance looks like to you and our end goal will look like that. If you could get to that point, it will feel really good.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (11:28):
Hmm. Um, actually when I heard that it kind of scares me. I think it's not possible to have five days every month,

Coach Ajit (11:37):
Whatever those number of days are. What I reflect on does balance mean I can be busy for some period of time. I just need few days or a few hours or however that may look like every couple of days to balance it out, per se To feel rejuvenated. I, I would like to explore more why you need the slow time, but let's let's first start to understand what are we trying to get to what's the ideal scenario. So if you could reflect, take a minute, think about it, uh, reflect lean into it and see what comes through. Don't worry about what's possible. What's not possible if I was to say Aleena, and maybe we should do this exercise. Unfortunately, we can't get each other on video right now. So I'm gonna ask you, I'm gonna hope that you're doing this on the other end is okay. You could find a piece of paper and pen around you. I'm gonna take a, I'm gonna give you two minutes, three minutes really reflect on this is take this time to write down. What would your ideal day look like? Whatever comes to you. Whatever's the first thought don't judge it. Don't question it. Don't say if it's possible or not possible, write down your ideal days like, or, or write down your ideal week on how you would like it to unfold. We're not talking about nuance here. We're not talking about, I will wake up at this time. I will do this. but more of a broad stroke of, I would like to have six hours of work every day. I would like to go for a run after that. I will like to take, you know, downtime over the weekend, whatever it, maybe I'm not trying to be suggestive here. I want you to write down your ideal week or an ideal day, which involves balance and busy at the same time. So you can see how you would like your life to unfold again. Don't judge it. Don't question it. Whatever comes to you. I'm gonna give you three minutes on the dot. I'm gonna mute myself and I'm gonna mute myself in three minutes. Okay?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (13:32):
Okay. Thank you. I think I've got it. I dunno how long it's been.

Coach Ajit (13:38):
It's about two and a half minutes. Great. You got okay. Yeah. Tell me what came through for as you did this exercise

Elena Sato (Coachee) (13:47):
At first, I thought it's impossible to, I don't even know what I want. , it's impossible to write something like that down, but then I started and uh, I came to so free mornings until around 10 and then working until around two. So that's about four hours and then having no other work, so no other projects or anything work related, uh, for the afternoon. And then being able to do other things that are just cooking or going to the gym or relaxing or whatever. And then, uh, actually working for another one or two hours in the evening on two nights, not every night, and then having the weekends off. That's what I came up

Coach Ajit (14:37):
With. That sounds fantastic. That sounds fantastic. The good thing is at least we know where we are going now. Isn't that?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (14:44):

Coach Ajit (14:45):
That sense of clarity already starts the journey in a way where we can draw a map towards an outcome that we are excited about. Elena, the challenge that we are met with during this, especially during these podcasts, uh, conversations is that I have a really limited amount of time. And because of that while I like to explore a lot of ideas, I really can't because there's a limited amount of space. So I work with what is presented to me during the conversation. we're gonna explore how in, in today's conversation, we will explore how to really get to an outcome that you want for your life. My invitation for you as a follow-up for yourself, Elena would be to discover and rediscover and sit with the idea of, will you actually enjoy this life? The one that you just mentioned or is it a response to your current overwhelm and your current busyness? Because what tends to happen as human beings where it's naturally instinctive to us is the grass is always greener on the other side which means if we are really busy, we say, oh, only if I could have some time. And so our dream life looks like that. Or if you have a lot of space in our life, you say, oh, only if I could have more work and then busy life looks really exciting. My invitation for you. And it's not enough time. I know in three minutes to really reflect on this, but to sit with the idea of saying, what do I truly honestly want? I wanna also give you an example. So you understand why this question is important as a follow-up question that I would like you to explore after our conversation in your own time. When I started working. Uh, and when I started my business, I , tried to do an experiment. This experiment was where people had told me consistently, the only way to build a business is hard work. You have to work really, really hard, really, really long hours. You can choose either your family or your friends, or you can choose to be successful. And I thought that was coming from people who seemed like successful. People felt like it must be true, right? So I said, okay, but what if this was not true? What if I asked myself a different question? And I said, I am about to have a baby. This was my first child that I was about to have. I'm about to have a baby. I do wanna spend time with him. I do wanna support my wife . And if I was to do that, I have to design a life where I can still pursue my ambition, still hit my goals, but be able to take care of my family and be spending time with them because these are precious. Yes, for me. . And so if I ask that, when I ask that question, I said, okay, I'm gonna design a life where I work only four days a week for four hours a day. And I will see if I can get the same returns that I get. If I work 12 hour, days, or eight hour days. So I started doing four hours a day, four days a week. And in about three months, I was able to discover that I can organize my work in a way that I can actually get done everything within the four hour time spend that I have for four days a week and have a lot of free time to myself. the thing that I didn't realize. The thing that I didn't factor in is while that was a great experiment and I could prove something to myself and I could prove you can achieve incredible results in a really short period of time. What I didn't consider is what I really like to do. And that is I actually like my work. I actually like to work. I don't wanna be not working because that's just what fuels me. I really enjoy it. I wanna spend time with my family, but I can spend time with my family. Even if I did seven hours of work, five, five days a week or six hours of work for five days a week. So four by four was yes. A great concept to prove the point of productivity that you can get a lot done that time. What I found to be the truth of life for me is I really love what I do. And so I wanna keep doing it. I wanna sit and write. I wanna read for long hours. I wanna do coaching like we are doing right now. And so that discovery helped me understand that I never wanna four by four life. Even if I know technically I can achieve it, I don't actually practice it anymore because that's not true to me anymore. So with that thought, with that story, I wanna leave you with that thought. So you can explore that later. Uh, because today what we are gonna do is we are gonna try and see if we can help you design a life that fits this model, right? We are gonna help you see if we can make decisions and a timeframe that can help you to get to this model where you have free time in the morning until 10:00 AM you work till two then you have the afternoon off and you work two hours or two days a week. Does that sound accurate? This is what I got in my notes.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (19:17):
Yes. Uh, the only thing is that my situation is not very different. it's not far, very far off from, from what we just said, but the problem is the use of this time. So even if I have almost as much time, I don't use it in that way that I want to use it all. I keep my phone on and constantly taking the emails. I don't even know why. And just that habit like that, that prevent me from using this time properly for, for my downtime.

Coach Ajit (19:53):
So are you suggesting that you already have the life that you just told me you idly would want challenge is that you just don't know what to do with your free time, Maybe that's problem. So I just find new projects and keep myself busy.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (20:02):
Maybe that's problem. So I just find new projects and keep myself busy.

Coach Ajit (20:07):
So you're saying, so I'm, I'm just trying to see where should our coaching go? Right. So I'm trying to find the objective today. And we started the objective of I'm really busy. I don't have time for anything. So we said, okay, let's see how and what you wanna create. And so we came up with a life, uh, structure for you . And that life structure you're saying is kind of very similar to what you actually live today, which has a lot of free time, because it seems like you work maybe six hours a day. And most of the day is four hours a day. Based on the schedule that you just gave me, even if it was seven, eight hours a day, it is a lot of free time. But now you're saying yeah, that's my life right now, but I just don't know what to, with my free time. So I'm trying to find out what is it that would really make this conversation, a winning conversation for you to help me guide me a little bit better here. Okay. I wanna bring more clarity to us because if you find clarity in what we need to solve, it might help us actually solve it. Right. maybe that is the solution we seek is to find the clarity of, uh, of what is it that we even want.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (21:10):
Yeah. Sorry for being difficult. Um, no,

Coach Ajit (21:13):
Absolutely not. You're not. I wanna stop you there for a second. You're not being difficult. It is, it is important to seek clarity. And the reason why I'm reinstating, what you suggested when we started the session is so we can bring to our attention that right now we are through the journey of trying to find out what is even important. What is it that we are even solving? There is no reason you, you, you shouldn't consider yourself difficult or think that this is a meaningless conversation. This is very important. This is actually a very important piece of our work together today. If we can find that clarity, it might be significantly easier for us to actually find a solution. So let's work together to really find clarity of the challenge that we are experiencing right now. Would that be okay? Would that, can that be the focus today?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (22:00):
Yes. So, um, I I'll share with you some, uh, background information, so you can understand how I usually operate to make this, uh, reality actually for myself. And instead of using my free time, just keeping myself busy. So, as I mentioned, I have a job that I work, uh, on, which is for a company and that's five hours a day and they are paying me well. So you can say that enough, I can stop there five hours and then I can have the rest of the day, do whatever I want and yeah. Have rest, or I don't know. And then I had this desire to, to do coaching. So I, uh, completed your certification and then, uh, found one client and started working in that direction. So that was going well. And, uh, of course with five hour, five working hours for a company, I can manage my time. Well, and I can just take a few clients, not too many and then slowly build coaching practice and let go of the other job and have coaching only. So that was in my head, my ideal situation and what I was going towards. Um, but then, uh, I had a previously a business which was kind of frozen, uh, during, uh, the pandemic and now there was an option to reopen it and I thought, okay, so I could, I could do that. And, uh, it would be a good use case for me to apply what I've, uh, learned in, in the coaching, uh, training in my own business. And, uh, also, yeah, have, have a model which would allow me to not be involved as I was before with that business. But of course, this didn't really work out. So I got really involved, uh, uh, with that. Then I had coaching client. Then I had my, uh, five hour, uh, other work per day and it just became more than eight hours. And this is not the first example of me doing that. So I could easily go just with the job or just with the job and the coaching or just with the, I don't know the job and the business or something like that. But I chose myself to, to take all of that on my plate. And in addition, I'm doing some more trainees and things, so yeah. How can I stop? How can I, maybe what you said, define what's really important and just let go of everything else, all the other noise, which is really unnecessary and just keeps me beat and just focus on something that's gonna, yeah. Bring me joy and also take me to where I want to be in the future.

Coach Ajit (24:49):
Have you clearly defined where you wanna be in the future?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (24:52):
Mm, I think so. Um, yes, I have it written. Um,

Coach Ajit (25:03):
Is it three years in the future, five years in the future, 10 years in the future,

Elena Sato (Coachee) (25:08):
Three years in the future,

Coach Ajit (25:10):
Do you have it handy anywhere by any chance where we can?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (25:13):
No. Uh, no, but it's clear in my mind so I can tell you what that is. So I want to do coaching only and work the same as now around five hours a day, for, for example, something like that, and then have the flexibility to just take time off, um, which I find with clients that it's not so easy when they're relying on you on a, on a weekly basis, but anyway, and not have the other things. So I don't mind having a business, but I don't really want be involved in it. If that makes I don't be involved in the day of a business,

Coach Ajit (25:54):
We're gonna step back for a second. You, when I asked you your three year goals, you gave me threepointers. One was, I wanna do coaching full time. Second one was, I want to work about the same hours. And I like to have some free time. if those are three pointers, I understand that you don't mind the business. You don't mind the job, you don't mind other things. wouldn't it be curious that if your three year goals only involves your coaching and everything else is structured anyways, so you can structure free time around coaching and all of that, which is a different conversation, but if, if the real goal was to have a full time career in coaching, and that was the key thing, wouldn't it be obvious that if I was to get somewhere three years from now, I started walking in that direction. and would it be the most important thing to walk towards if that was the goal? Yeah. Where do you live? Elena

Elena Sato (Coachee) (26:51):
In Bulgaria. In Europe.

Coach Ajit (26:53):
So if you wanna go from Bulgaria to Germany, let's say, would it be better for you to start walking to Germany today, or will it be better for you to first go to Russia, then go to India and maybe come back to Germany? Which one is a better project? The goal is to get to Germany.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (27:10):
Yeah, of course. It's obvious. The thing is that I, I felt like I need these other two things. So in the job where I work're really, uh, supporting me on my coaching path, so I'm transitioning in something like a coaching role there, and I'm gonna work with all the teams and help them work better together and things like that. So that's really amazing opportunity. I definitely don't want to let go of it because it's helping me walk in the direction where I want to be in three years. And the

Coach Ajit (27:43):
Only, I'm not suggesting that you quit meeting what I am suggesting or asking for is if we wanna go from Bulgaria, Germany, is it better to just walk to Germany? Or is it better to go around the world and then go to Germany? If time was of essence, it's better to go to Germany. Right?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (28:01):
Of course, yes.

Coach Ajit (28:02):
Don't worry about why you're doing what you're doing right now. That's not the challenge we are tackling. I understand. you are making a conscious and present decision with rational in your world, which is absolutely. Okay. And in no ways, suggesting you should quit everything and, and just do coaching today. That is a personal choice you will have to make, and you will come to that decision or not come to that decision, but it's completely yours. Irrespective , what I am hoping to achieve as first part of our conversation , which is going, which is probably all we are gonna discuss today. is to get you to know where you are going, and what's important. What's the sense of clarity that we need in that direction. So we can at least know, this is where I am going, and now I need to reflect how to really get there. Right. so first thing , just to get clear about, about our, our intention of where we wanna be in three years. because that's what we're really working towards. That's our goal. That's our ambition. That's where we wanna go, right? Yes. And that is the three pointers that you gave me, which largely reflect to you being a coach now. Yes. If in three years you wanna get there. If today you have a reality where you're supported in coaching, like in your job, if you're supported in coaching, like you doing your coaching and maybe you're supported in the business that you're doing, I have no idea. But if those were the three things that you were doing that would eventually get you to the destination that you need to get to, would you feel that it could be a part of the journey and not necessarily how the destination finally looks like?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (29:39):

Coach Ajit (29:40):
Right. And the reason why I'm bringing your attention towards it is because what may be happening, Elena here is that we are in kind of a bind with you. I think the, the work that we need to do, and I'll give you some follow up action steps that I'd love for you to explore and love for you to report back to me on what happens. Mm. And, and, and the reason is because what we are missing really is not that we get busy. It's not that we get distracted because I don't think that's necessarily a, a challenge that you will face. If you know why you are getting busy on why you are doing what you do. Right. And if for your goal is any reflection of where you want to be and why you're doing anything that you're doing today. You will find that they're all in connection with what's your long term goal. And if that is the case, there's a big possibility that everything that you're doing right now is a part of the journey. And it's not about getting busy. It's about getting to the goal, and it may require you to be busy for a short period of time. But that doesn't mean that is your natural state . Is this making any sense to you?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (30:50):

Coach Ajit (30:51):
Yes. I wanna give you a few of follow up exercises, and the reason why I'm giving you follow up exercises also is, cause I feel there's a, there's a sense of clarity that that would help you. And there's a sense of clarity that you kind of need to get out of your current paradigm of the world, because what it seems like to me as our conversation unfolds is that you are, you're taking two steps forward and a step back, two steps forward and a step back. So you go, I really wanna do coaching, but I don't wanna do this. I really wanna do this, but I don't wanna do this. And this is happening because of this. So you're, you have a, you have a setup to justify everything. And that is is not helping you seek the final clarity that you, that you really need. So there are few things that I want you to do. And what I would like to see if you can get into an agreement, is that whatever I suggest as an activity, you're gonna try that for 30 days. Would you be open, open to that?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (31:52):
Yes, absolutely.

Coach Ajit (31:53):
OK, cool. So it's not just, you're saying it. I will actually expect a response on my email where we connected and I, uh, we set up our interview, uh, our conversation today. I would expect an email from you every day for the next 30 days. That suggest that you did the thing that we say that we are gonna do. Will that be okay with you?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (32:12):
Well, yes, absolutely.

Coach Ajit (32:15):
So here is what I want you to do. So, first thing that I want you to do, and this probably you can do today, you can do tomorrow, sooner as possible. . If you were to design your ideal life, ideal life, not just bullet points. I want, even if you did this exercise before, I want you to redo it, um, write down your ideal life. What is it that you're doing in three years from now? This is the kind of work I do. This is the kind of clients I take care of. This is the kind of life I live is the kind of extracurricular activities I do. This is the kind of friendships I have. This is the kind of health lifestyle I live. I want you to clearly know where you are going three years from now. You see universe. Um, if you, if you believe in spirituality or universe or God, or whatever that you believe in, if you believe in any of it, there is a truth, a global truth to it. And that is the universe can only create what you ask it to. And if you ask it to create many things at the same time, it gets to work to create many things. At the same time, it just takes longer because it's many things at the same time, like it's like telling somebody I want five bowls or pottery made at the same time. Well, they can make it, but it's just gonna take longer. And there might be some damage along the way, and you might need more resources to actually build those five pots versus saying, Hey, make this one pot. And I'm clear work on this for, until it's made, right? That's kind of how know what looks is making that beautiful art of your life in a way, but you gotta support it by simply stating what you want so they can actually do it for you, right? The universe can do it for you. Or again, God can do it for you. If, if you believe in God or however you wanna approach this, but, but you need to be directive to it so it can create it, right? that's the first part. I want you to be directive. I want you and take the time you need to take there's no rights and wrongs. Don't um, judge yourself, which I saw you doing as well. Don't try to say, oh, this is too hard. This is too easy. Or this is too much to ask. This is too little to ask. There is no real lesson. More story in when you're working with the universe, it is infinite. It has a lot of abundance. It can create everything. Given the due time and effort that is required. Okay. The intention and the intention that is required, right? so do that as the first exercise and send me what you write down. Okay. . Now, once that is done, I want you to actively look at your every day and ask yourself this question, what I am going to do today, all the list of items that I'm doing today, which ones would these contribute to my three-year vision of myself.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (34:49):

Coach Ajit (34:50):
And do them first.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (34:54):

Coach Ajit (34:55):
And everything else, you can either not do completely ignore, or you can do them later. If you have additional time on your hand. Now I know you will fall into the trap because you've said that you do it all the time into the trap of what do I do with my time. Right? That's what's happening right now. Right? So here's what I want you to do. Yes. It's happening. Exactly. So here's what I want you to do in the morning. What time do you wake up? Usually

Elena Sato (Coachee) (35:21):
Around seven.

Coach Ajit (35:23):
Okay. So seven through 10. I want you to make a schedule that clearly outlines what you're going to do. That has nothing to do with work, which means, let's say seven o'clock you wake up, you get your coffee, you go for a walk. You come back or you sit down in a park, read your book, come back at around 8, 8 30, take a shower, sit down, have your breakfast, go to work at 10. Right? So seven to 10. You have a schedule 10 to two or three or whatever the time is you work. Okay. then block that in the calendar. Say, this is what I do. Then I want you to schedule three to five, whatever you like to do, other than work. For example, you can say, I am going to go for a workout. You can say, I'm gonna go for a dance class. I'm gonna go to the museum, whatever that is that you want to do. But I want you to have it scheduled in your calendar. Then do the two hours of work. So let's say five to seven and then seven o'clock onwards for every day of the week, please set up a social meeting for yourself. If that is what you would like to do in the evening status is so meet this friend or meet that friend or meet this, meet that friend. And I want you to make a calendar, make a schedule for it every day. Okay. Or every week, the reason why I'm asking you to do that is because you have a learned behavior of going for the easiest path. And everybody has, by the way, because that's how our brains are wired. The easiest path to when you're sitting ideal is to pick up our phone. Yeah. Right. Because right there and it's right there and it has dopamine effect to it. Do you know what dopamine is that a molecule in our brain that wants more right. More of everything. So if you, there's not a bad molecule, people give it a bad name. It's actually a good one. That's what keeps the chase on in a person. You want more from your life because of dopamine, but there's nothing wrong with dopamine, but it does tend to create some shortterm side effects that you don't want in your life. And that is what will happen. If you don't have a schedule is you will look at your phone and dope means gonna kick in because it'll like, Hey, you can look at Instagram again. You can check your email again. You can check any other social media platform that you might be on. Again, you can listen to a podcast that you don't really wanna listen to just because there is a new one, right? Because dopamine wants more right. So what we are doing with the scheduling activity is we are hijacking dopamine because now there's something else to look forward to. Do you see what I mean?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (37:42):
Yes. Yes, absolutely. I work so much better when I'm scheduled. Yes.

Coach Ajit (37:46):
Right? So make a schedule. Not for the day, but for the week. So there is no bypassing that schedule. You have to follow the schedule. If there is a friend that you're meeting, you will send an invite to that friend. And it's going to be really hard for the first 15 days. It will be really, really difficult. You will not want to do it. You will curse me to the T. And that's why I want you to send me a note every day, as you do it, first, 15 days are gonna be terrible. You're not gonna wanna do it. You're gonna be like, this is stupid. This is not leading me to anything. this is not gonna work. You're gonna tell all the stories to you because that's your mind telling you stories because the easiest path is still taking, picking up the phone and looking at the email for the hundredth time for no reason. Really? Yeah. Okay. So what I want you to do is to follow this for a month, because at around eight 14, you will definitely wanna quit. okay. But if you do it wrong,

Elena Sato (Coachee) (38:35):
It sounds difficult, but yeah.

Coach Ajit (38:37):
Okay. I know. And that's why I'm being your accountability partner. If you choose to, and this is completely your experience, you can totally opt out. You can say, this is an idiot and you can move on and do no, no, you need to do to create the life you wanna create. I'm not saying this is the only way to create your life. Right? but it will help is what I believe. So make that schedule, follow it for 30 days. Send me a note every day that you follow the schedule, not follow the schedule. Where did you fail and where did you fall and, and follow it again. The next day don't care for if I answer or not, because sometimes I will be delayed because I have a schedule that I follow, which doesn't inspire me to. I'm not on my email all the time, because I have a schedule, like I'm suggesting you, that I have to follow in it. Doesn't involve checking emails a lot. So I may not respond as quickly as you would expect me to, but I will be watching. So you can think, okay. And me as that silent accountability partner, that will talk back once in a while. Right? Okay. So, so what I want you to do,

Elena Sato (Coachee) (39:34):
Thank you so much for that.

Coach Ajit (39:35):
Yeah, no, absolutely. Absolutely. So I want you to do that for 30 days. The reason why 30 days is because once we are past 30 days, you will either have a realization that you actually don't like this much free time and you actually want to be busy because you really enjoy it. And there's nothing wrong with that. And that is why I wanted in the first part of our conversation. I asked you to explore the idea of balance and ask yourself what you really want, not what you want in context or what you don't have today, but what you really, really want, because that would really define what is true for you. Or it'll tell you, you really enjoy this version of balance for yourself. And if you really like this version of balance yourself, hopefully after 30 days, your you yourself will be able to carry it through, or you'll be able to hire another coach that can help you really day to day to be able to carry through this, this new version of life that you've created for yourself. Would you be open to this?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (40:27):
Yes, absolutely.

Coach Ajit (40:29):
Can I, um, because I'm mentioning this on an open podcast, just in case you forgot that means a lot of people right now may be listening to this and may want me to update about Elena's situation 30 days from now would you be open to be put on the spot in case you don't follow through?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (40:47):

Coach Ajit (40:48):
Awesome. Uh, this is, I know this is pressure, but, but I wanted to make sure that you were agreement, so we know what to do next.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (40:56):
It helps to do it.

Coach Ajit (40:59):
Amazing, amazing Elena. I would love to explore a lot more ideas. It's one thing that I'm finding about these podcast coaching conversations is they're just too short because there's so much to go around and so much to explore that I can only explore just maybe not even the surface, uh, but I'm glad and excited that you gave me this opportunity that we got to talk and that I got to help you a little bit. At least hopefully this will help you in the future in life generally, is there a place like an Instagram handle or TikTok handle or so forth that you'll like to share with the community so they can follow along the journey?

Elena Sato (Coachee) (41:35):
Yeah, I can send it to you.

Coach Ajit (41:37):
Can you mention it on the podcast because everybody will be listening to this.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (41:40):
Okay. Alright, then. It's leni_sato.

Coach Ajit (41:50):
@leni_sato on Instagram.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (41:53):
Yes. I don't post a lot, but, um, I will post more over the next 30 days so people can follow, like what's going on.

Coach Ajit (42:03):
That will be amazing. I am sure. Some people who listen to this podcast will love to follow you along in your agenda and seeing if this is working or not, because, Hey, listen, let's be very honest. What you're experiencing a lot of coaches experience. You're not alone in this. There is many people. So what we did today, hopefully will help a lot more coaches that may be in the same situation as you. And if it works for you, it may inspire them to do something about it and maybe it'll help them. So while yes, your journey is so important. And I'm so curious to see what happens next for you. I'm also excited to share it with the community so they can see if it works with them.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (42:39):
Awesome. I'm glad to be. I'm glad to be part of this is really, it sounds like really fun, difficult, but fun.

Coach Ajit (42:46):
Thank you so much, Elena, for, for joining me today on master coaching with ad podcast, I am super excited to follow up with you in future session.

Elena Sato (Coachee) (42:54):
Thank you was amazing. Thanks so much.

Coach Ajit (42:58):
As you might have noticed, it took us a while to find what to work on in this conversation with Elena and that can happen. And that is absolutely okay. I only had 40 minutes with Elena. Like you would usually have only 40, 50 minutes with a client at a time when that happens, always keep cliff notes. So next time when you speak to them, you can actually address some of the threads that you would like to pull. Some of the ideas you would like to explore. Some of the questions you would like to explore using the follow up system that has suggested to you too, can build a really solid practice and a really solid habit for yourself. Scheduling work for most people when they're about to fall into the trap of, I don't know what's important right now, if it is on the schedule, we tend to follow it. So if that is an idea you haven't explored yet, I invite you to have a really scheduled day and see if that impacts your life. Did you enjoy this episode? Did you enjoy my conversation with Elena Sato? Did you enjoy the tool that I gave her to walk away with? Did you enjoy how we talked about balance and how balance means different for every person? If you did enjoy these, you will enjoy our future episodes. So go ahead and subscribe to this podcast if you haven't yet. And more importantly, I would really appreciate this is if you could take a few minutes of your time and leave us a review, leave us. What inspired you in this podcast? A few weeks ago, on episode 44, I coach Worley and I asked Worley, what were some of the insights that you had during the course of our conversation? She said she had 10 pages of notes. So I said, I can't really read 10 pages of notes for our listeners, but I can highlight a few things. I'm sharing these with you, because if this resonates with you, you may wanna go and check episode 44. The ideas that really stood out for her were concept of presence. What tends to happen is that because of our stories from past and our years and uncertainties for the future, we never really get to live in the present moment. If you do that, you're continuously creating a self-sabotaging state for the present. So instead we want to use the present moment to create a new reality in our life. This new idea then changes your future and your past story. The second highlight for her was courage taking action with the idea that there is some safety. The third key idea that she highlighted was taking space, taking space is the most important thing. I want to focus on realizing that I'm not bothering someone by reaching out, but I'm actually showing up to help somebody. And that I have lots of value to bring to them. I'm not taking anyone's space. I'm just being of service. Fourth idea. She highlighted was taught patterns every time when I want to take action and old pattern comes up, I'll ask myself what is a more empowering taught pattern. I would like to choose hair. If I make this choice, every time I can build a new behavior. And lastly is letting go of old patterns, two ways, one meditation to let go of stuck energy by forgiving the events and people of the past and forgiving myself and secondly, creating a new habit with a reward associated to it. The reward will trigger a certain behavior where they found this coaching session vitally useful. And I think listening to this coaching session will help you too. So go over and listen to episode 44 on the Master Coaching with Ajit podcast. Thank you so much for listening in. I'm looking forward to sharing with you more insights next week.

Read more

Listen On

Recent Episodes