February 1, 2022
One of the key elements to becoming a great coach is to learn from master coaches and discover new and different methodologies and techniques that you can then combine to create your own unique coaching style. This is why in today's episode...
One of the key elements to becoming a great coach is to learn from master coaches and discover new and different methodologies and techniques that you can then combine to create your own unique coaching style.
This is why in today's episode we're sharing a highly rated talk delivered by master life coach and Evercoach author, Christine Hassler. Christine is the best-selling author of 3 books, a renowned master coach, and a keynote speaker with over 17 years of experience in personal development. She's also the host of top-rated podcast “Over it and On With It” where she coaches people live on the show.
This talk was recorded at our Evercoach Summit live event. In this talk, Christine reveals the 3 top qualities of a successful coach and her best advice for anyone starting their life coaching journey. She also coaches an audience member live from the stage so you can follow her coaching session structure and appreciate the different techniques she uses.
If you want to learn what makes a great coach and how a master life coach coaches live, you won't want to miss this episode!
Coach Ajit (00:00):
You are listening to Master Coaching with Ajit podcast that inspires coaches to impact the lives of their clients more meaningfully. I am Coach Ajit and I'm known for coaching high performers, entrepreneurs, and leaders. I'm also a serial entrepreneur and author of many books. On this podcast, I am answering your burning questions. I'm also demonstrating and deconstructing behind the scenes coaching sessions.
Coach Ajit (00:35):
And today's episode is so very special. You see, one of the key things I wanna do here at Master Coaching with Ajit is sometimes also able to show you so many different ways of doing coaching, so many different ways of impacting lives than what I can possibly bring to you. One of the keys to my growth, my journey, has been that I've always stayed curious to, there is more I can learn. There is different I can learn. There is a different dimension that I can add. So today I am bringing one of my dear friends, Christine Hassler as a guest on this episode. I'm not actually interviewing her today. I'm actually taking one of her amazing presentations she made at one of our events called Evercoach Summit. And I'm bringing that presentation today to this podcast. What you will hear today in this podcast is firstly, you'll hear Christine setting the stage, setting context.
Coach Ajit (01:33):
If you're a new coach, this is gonna be so powerful for you. And once Christine does that, you will listen how Christine is going to coach someone live in front of an audience. So you will hear Christine relating back to the audience. You'll hear Christine actually coaching the person, maintaining silence, so on and so forth. The reason why this is such a great example, and I wanted to share it with you is because you'll be able to see how to do group coaching when you are actually listening to Christine's session. Because while Christine was coaching only one person at this time from stage, she had about 200 some coaches watching her actually coach this person, Katherine. So in today's episode, it gets a little bit different dimensional. Instead of listening to me setting context and then coaching someone, you're going to listen to my dear friend and a master coach, Christine Hassler. So fasten your seat belts because this is gonna be a fun ride.
Christine Hassler (02:32):
What I'd love to do is share with you really what has made me successful as a coach, both internally, cuz I think there's, there's the outward success. There's the money. There's the following. There's all of that. But then I really feel successful as a coach cuz I haven't burnt out. I started coaching people in 2004 and I still have private clients. And one thing that hurts my heart a little bit about the coaching industry is everybody tries to move out of the private client world, right into the projects, the products and the groups and the online and all that's great. And I do that too, but that's like a musician who never goes back with a guitar and plays acoustic at a small bar. So I hope as coaches, part of what you do to stay in integrity is you always work one on one.
Christine Hassler (03:18):
And part of what you also do to stay in integrity is you always have a coach. So as I share with you, the things that have made me feel successful internally and then how that's been mirrored in the external world. And then I wanna bring one, maybe two people up and coach live. So first thing I already alluded to it. First thing that I have, I feel makes anyone successful as a coach is being your own best client. So that means having a coach, not just a business coach, I still have a coach. I will always have a coach because I think we are out of integrity as coaches. If we don't have a coach, you'd never be a personal trainer and never work out. So if you want to beat imposter syndrome, that's the best way to do it. If you're ever feeling who am I to who am I to who am I to all you need to do is ask yourself, am I a client of what I'm selling?
Christine Hassler (04:11):
Cause walking the talk doesn't mean having it all figured out walking the talk means you are just embodying the principles and practices that you're quote unquote "selling to people". And I'm not afraid of the word selling that word used to scare me. I'm not afraid of that anymore because really it is it's, it's an invitation it's enrollment and what you are quote unquote, selling to people is transformational, not transactional. And if I had a whole another hour with you, I'd give you a whole speech on selling and enrollment and we'll see if we get into any of it today. So it's being your own best client. It's having a coach and here's how you also beat imposter syndrome. You coach yourself. Here's my favorite thing to do set up two shares just right across from each other. Like this coach, Christine sits here, ask myself what's up human client.
Christine Hassler (04:59):
Christine sits here and I literally go back and forth between shares and coach myself, coach over here, me over here, cuz you all are brilliant. You all are brilliant at coaching others, but sometimes you kinda suck at coaching yourself. And the only reason you suck at coaching yourself is cuz you start judging yourself. That's it. And comparing yourself to coaches that have been coaching 20 years. So whenever you get into that, instead of cuz a lot of the coaching on getting out of imposter syndrome is connect your why. And it's all about service and you gotta change the world. But if that self, that self doubt needs proof. So how you give yourself proof, you set up two chairs and you just, you experience how you create transformation within yourself. Because when you do that on a regular basis, the imposter syndrome goes away and the integrity floods in so that everyone willing to do that as a tool and don't do it in your head, it's very different and don't do it in a journal.
Christine Hassler (05:59):
I mean, I'm not saying don't coach yourself in your head and never write, but this process right here is way more impactful. And guess what? That's a tool you can also facilitate for your clients. You can set up two chairs with them, have them coach their self themselves. You can set up two chairs and have them sit in one chair, their mother or whoever. They're having a difficult relationship, sit in the other and have them play both parts. So that's it. Number one, be your own best client. Second thing, stop talking and listen more as coaches. We wanna do a good job. We so wanna do a good job. We wanna serve our clients. And often we think the best way to do this is to give them the answers, to have this great advice, to drop this great wisdom and that's useful. And they may say, oh, that's great.
Christine Hassler (06:54):
Thank you so much. But then we're making it more about us and less about them. As a coach, I really consider myself a detective. I'm a detective and I'm a guide and it's my job to one, create a space where they feel safe. Cuz that's the most powerful thing we're doing as coaches is to create a space where someone feels seen and heard our deepest wounds come from, not feeling seen and heard. So please do not underestimate the power of just holding space for someone else and giving them that permission. It's one of the most powerful things we do. It's not what you say. It's your way of being with your clients. And that can be over the phone that can be face to face. That can be over Skype. It doesn't matter. But to really hold that space for another person, we can't be in our head thinking, Ooh, what NLP tool can I use right now?
Christine Hassler (07:51):
Or where do I say this? Or da, da, da, da. We have to be fully present with our clients. And this is something that develops over years as you coach more and more people. And I encourage you, coach, coach, coach. The best way to get better as a coach is to coach, to coach as to coach and to coach. That's how you get better and really trust that the more you listen and the more you're present and the more you rip that other person, the not the right thing to say, but the thing that's for the highest good to say will come through. And often the thing that's for the highest good to say is a question often. The thing that's for the highest good to say is what else? Tell me more. You don't know. Well, if you did know, what do you think?
Christine Hassler (08:37):
Not going off into some educational rant with them. Now of course, as coaches we guide, of course we teach, but we wanna make sure we're guiding and teaching that, which is for the highest good. So never make assumptions about what your client is telling you. I ask, I have a podcast where I coach people live on the air. Funny story about that, that I wanna weave in. I'll see if I can do it next. Um, and you'll hear me when people say, I wanna feel confident or I want I'm like, what does confidence mean to you? Make no assumptions with your client clients. And don't be afraid to go slow with them, to have them paint you a picture. When they say words, what do they mean when they say I want this? I want a relationship. Okay. Describe a relationship to me. What does that look like?
Christine Hassler (09:26):
And what would it do for if you had it? We, you have so much information as a coach, but when you're working with your clients, you're detective, you're getting into their model of the world. And the more you can get into their model of the world, the more you can bring them, the tools that they need. Cuz that's the other thing as coaches, we're not there to fish for them. It's my job with all my clients to graduate my clients. I want them to embody the tools and, and experience the transformation. And it's so much better when a client has the aha moment versus you telling them the aha moment, cause then it lands for them. Then it lands for them. The other thing that has inspired my success is I haven't given two shits. I don't have a logo. I don't have a color palette.
Christine Hassler (10:17):
I don't have a tagline. I don't have a strategy. None of those things. Do you know what my brand has been? Whatever is up for me in the moment. That's what I teach. Like whatever. I've just walked through. That's what I teach my brand started as the quarter life crisis and the 20 something journey and it moved on from there. And then when I got divorced, I talk more about relationships. And when I was building my careers about entrepreneurs, a, it was just about what I was going through at the time. And I know I have an ideal client avatar and I think in a way I don't like to use the word should, but it's important. And here's the easiest way I think, to do your ideal client avatar, your ideal client, avatar is you in the past, that's it? And here's the thing me in the past could be a 65 year old man, because it's more about the psychological profile of your client than where they live, their gender, how much money they make.
Christine Hassler (11:18):
My, usually my ideal client, avatars are people that are hard on themselves. High achievers. They've dealt with an expectation, hangover, something, didn't go according to plan, they wanna grow. They wanna change. They wanna dive deep into personal growth and they're looking for a guide and they want someone relatable and aspirational simple. So when you think about who is my client, ask yourself, where was I? Five years ago? Where was I? 10 years ago? Where was I a year ago? Where was I? Six months ago? Where am I right now? And when you speak to that, that's the magic of resonance and that's the magic of the law of attraction. And that's the magic of being able to bring clients to you without having to do Facebook ads and funnels. All those things are important. Hasn't been my strategy. So in, in a conference like this, I think it's important to hear all the advice and go what works for me.
Christine Hassler (12:14):
Like what feels good to me, cuz there, there are so many ways to grow and you're gonna find your own unique way. So funny story. So I've been friends with Preston and Alex, since we all started and you know, they gave me all this video advice. Okay. And I'm like, I need to do YouTube videos and you see Preston. He's like, and their YouTube videos are energetic and they're like channeling things. And, and so I'm like, I'm gonna do YouTube video. Jill's worked with me for nine years. I wonder if she'll remember this. So I do this YouTube video. I set it up in my friend's, you know, backyard. And I try to be that I try to be someone I'm not basically try to be someone I'm not. And Jill, thank God for Jill. She watched this. And she's like, what the fuck was that?
Christine Hassler (12:55):
That is so not you. And I'm like, you're so right. It's not me. I'm not like, that's not my personality. That's not who I am. And so even though it was like, I gotta get on YouTube. I gotta get on YouTube. It felt like a should, oh gosh, please don't let shoulds drive. You, let desire inspire you. And so I, I, I started to, to reflect on what is my zone of genius? Like, what am I really good at? And what I'm really good at is coaching people. Like that's what is my zone of genius? And so I thought, well, what if I did a podcast? Cuz I thought, oh do podcast. But I didn't really wanna interview people cuz interviewing isn't my zone of genius either. What if I do a podcast where I coach people live on the air, will that work? And the technology, my blocks around technology blocked me for a while about it.
Christine Hassler (13:49):
But eventually I did it. And to this date, it's been the thing. That's moved my needle on my business the most. And it's the thing that I love the most. And it's just me doing what I do best. So as you're leaving here today and as you're making your action steps and your action plans, I encourage you implore upon you. It's gotta light you up. Don't push yourself doing just cuz things are working for other people doesn't mean they're necessarily going to work for you. And again, the more you really embody doing the things that feel aligned to you, the more your integrity, because you wouldn't tell any of your clients go do that cuz everybody else is doing that. So I ask myself a lot in my business. Would I give a client this advice, what I'm pushing myself to do? Would I advise a client to do that?
Christine Hassler (14:39):
So that's the other thing. I don't know what number this is. I haven't really numbered them, but being aligned with your zone of genius and creating from there and people told me, oh, it won't work. You won't get people to call in. It won't be real. It works. It works. Cuz I love it. And it's aligned and like Preston, I've thrown a lot of noodles against the wall. If that strategy works for you, that's great. Some of you are more strategic and you need that. It's like doing what lights you up. And one thing I wanted to talk briefly about before I start bringing people up. How many of you, when it gets to the enrollment sales, part of a conversation with prospective client go, Ooh and your voice changes. And it's a little hard, how many of you are killing it at enrollment? Like no problem at all.
Christine Hassler (15:21):
Okay. Awesome. Good people. Keep your hands up. Those that are killing at enrollment. Look at these people cuz they're good people to practice with the best way to get better at enrollment is to practice it. Right? So Jill and I, we look at all enrollment conversations, all conversations when it comes to working together and what the investment is as opportunities to coach. So here you are giving these great discovery calls, coaching somebody, and then it gets to the sales part. And then where does the coach go here? She just leaves out the window and all of a sudden the self worth and the self doubt and all that stuff starts coming up. No stay as their coach because their objection to you, whatever their objection is, the money. The time I gotta talk to my husband, da da, that's an objection. That's coming up in all other aspects of their life.
Christine Hassler (16:07):
So you've gotta drop your issues with rejection, to be a stand for your prospective client in that moment. Even if they end up saying no, you have an opportunity to coach them through their objections. They say, I can't afford it. I really hear you. Where else are you saying that in your life? Tell me more about how that comes up for you. What else do you want really that you can't afford? And then you get into a conversation about money. So, and this, this goes in your business negotiations as well. Don't just have the coach show up while you're actually coaching in an interaction. Bring that part of you to the entire engagement process, whether you're doing a Facebook live or a YouTube video or whatever it is that that, how many of you just feel like magic comes through you when you're coaching? That's why you're here.
Christine Hassler (16:55):
That's why you love it. Great. Bring that magic to your writing, to your videos. All of that. Don't think you have to have a persona or have a pitch or be a certain or know what your brand is or be a certain way before you start doing that. Just bring the essence of the you that comes forward while you're coaching. And then finally I'll just say, continue to just get masterful at your craft. Have a mentor, a more senior coach, listen, like record your coaching sessions. Have somebody listen and give you feedback. It just boggles my mind that therapists have to do 3000 hours of therapy and be critiqued, but anybody can be a coach. Now I know everyone in this room has integrity because you're in this room. But kind of like what Preston was saying before, how many people are out there, coaching that maybe need a little more development.
Christine Hassler (17:45):
So I encourage you find somebody to give you constructive criticism and feedback. Find a senior coach to listen to a couple of your sessions, to watch you coach and to give you direct feedback. Not from the perspective, if you're doing anything wrong, but from, I always wanna grow as a coach, I always wanna learn. I always wanna know how I can serve better, how I can surf better. And then I'll round it out by saying, just always make yourself your own best client, your sole curriculum, your life lessons. That's your compass for your business, whatever you're feeling called to whatever's up for you, whatever you are working through, that's your content. That's what you're here to teach truly, cuz you've just walked through it. And that's how we get out of the comparison thing because no one can teach what you uniquely went through other than you.
Christine Hassler (18:39):
And I'm just echoing. What you've heard from, from Preston, from Jason is there is no competition. There is no competition for your gifts and your divine purpose and what you're uniquely here to do. And the more you keep doing your work and the more your integrity with that, I promise the more your business will grow. Cool. Helpful so far. Okay, great. So we have about 24 minutes. Maybe I can get through two people. Is that a question you wanna be coached? Okay. Well I like it. I like the, what's your name?
Audience Member (19:06):
Christine Hassler (19:07):
Come on up. Give her a big round of applause. Okay. So your invitation as the audience is to hold a space of obviously presence, but also compassion. And how many of you after you coach all day or you're with a group of people or whatever, you get a little tired and drained.
Christine Hassler (19:23):
Okay. So one of the, the skills that we have to really embody as coaches to be sustainable is the distinction between compassion and sympathy. As coaches. You're gonna hear some hard stuff from people. You may hear stuff that makes you cry, right? I I've heard there's nothing. I, I feel like I haven't heard at this point and how I don't take that on is I don't judge. And that doesn't mean that I don't say, oh, that person they're so weak. It means I don't go into judgment through sympathy. So the minute someone shares something with us and we're like, oh God, that's so hard. I can't believe they're going through it. You just judged. You just went into sympathy. And that's how we start to get depleted is because we feel a little about sympathy. We feel a little bad. We feel a little over responsible, those kinds of things.
Christine Hassler (20:14):
And I want you to be sustainable as a coach. I want you to feel like you, you don't get de plead. You don't get drained. Of course we all get tired from time to time. But if you start noticing you're getting drained, it means one or two things you're judging and feeling sorry for right. Or your clients are triggering stuff. You've gotta work with inside of you. That's another reason I congratulated you. And I said, this, this path is no joke because all of a sudden you'll have a client sit across from you. And you're like, Ooh, oh God, that's kind of me. Right? And so you make a mental note of it and then you go deal with, with your coach. Cool. Okay. So your job as the, as the space holders and as my fellow coaches in the audience today is to hold that place of compassion to be present. But if you notice yourself judging in any way, just God, forgive myself for judging. Come back to your breath, come back to the present moment. Cool. Okay. So Katherine, take an nice deep breath. I'm gonna come a look. I feel like, like smiles away from you. Okay. And hold the mic right up there. Oh, you're ready.
Katherine (Coachee) (21:15):
Christine Hassler (21:16):
How can I help?
Katherine (Coachee) (21:19):
Okay. So, um, I, oh, so I've been working on start starting my business. Um, I I'm an RTT therapist and a Wildfit coach. Okay. And I've been, this is my third Evercoach, I've been coming ever since the first one that happened. And the first two, I totally felt the imposter syndrome. Mm-hmm
Christine Hassler (21:51):
Right, right, right, right.
Katherine (Coachee) (21:52):
Every program. So, um, now I'm actually feel like I'm making some progress and actually creating something and I, right. Like I signed up like four clients for my first Wildfit challenge. It started on Monday.
Christine Hassler (22:04):
Amazing. So, so you aren't working on building your business, you are building your business.
Katherine (Coachee) (22:07):
Yeah. So I'm building it now. So, but, but a lot still comes up for me. Um, you know, when it comes to having enrollment conversations.
Christine Hassler (22:15):
Okay. What comes up for you?
Katherine (Coachee) (22:17):
Um, well, like for example, I had, um, a good friend of mine who didn't sign up for my program where I had, I felt a lot of rejection around, not her saying no, but even though I know that she's saying no to herself and not saying no to me. Right. And she's just, you know, she's following her pattern of like, of, um, making all of the excuses.
Christine Hassler (22:39):
So you know it here, but it still lands as rejection.
Katherine (Coachee) (22:41):
Right. But it's still, but, but I still feel it in my body is rejection.
Christine Hassler (22:44):
Okay. So how are you doing right now? Sitting in this room? In front of all these people?
Katherine (Coachee) (22:48):
I feel a lot of energy going through my system. Yeah. I feel a lot of, um, activation. Okay. I feel, um, like my I'm on the edge of my emotional control.
Christine Hassler (23:02):
Yep. Yep. And if you were just to let go right now, what would happen
Katherine (Coachee) (23:08):
If I let go... I'd probably start crying.
Christine Hassler (23:09):
Okay. So is that, can that be okay? Can it be okay? Yeah. Just to let go.
Katherine (Coachee) (23:18):
Christine Hassler (23:20):
Yeah. What does letting go feel like?
Katherine (Coachee) (23:24):
Um, a lot of how do I do this and how do I....
Christine Hassler (23:36):
Katherine (Coachee) (23:37):
How do I show up? And you know, I guess some of the imposter syndrome still...
Christine Hassler (23:44):
So I'm scared to let go, because...
Katherine (Coachee) (23:46):
I'm scared to let go because I might they'll see you that I'm a fake.
Christine Hassler (23:55):
Mm. And if they see I'm a fake, then they...
Katherine (Coachee) (23:57):
Won't like me.
Christine Hassler (23:58):
And if I'm not liked, then...
Katherine (Coachee) (24:01):
I'll be ostracized. Yeah.
Christine Hassler (24:03):
BAnd what does being ostracized remind you of?
Katherine (Coachee) (24:06):
Christine Hassler (24:08):
Katherine (Coachee) (24:09):
I was bullied really severely when I was growing up.
Christine Hassler (24:12):
Mm-hmm What would do people tell you? How were you bullied?
Katherine (Coachee) (24:16):
You name it? I was, um, I was targeted like almost universally by kids when I was growing up. I definitely was a or was an outcast.
Christine Hassler (24:32
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And now outcast is...
Katherine (Coachee) (24:36):
Christine Hassler (24:37):
Yes. And now outcast has kind of translated to imposter. Yeah. Right, right. So you see the theme. So what have you done to work with this? The, the bullied and the...
Katherine (Coachee) (24:46):
A lot. I've done a lot. I, a lot of it's been the RTT.
CChristine Hassler (24:49):
Katherine (Coachee) (24:50):
Thanks. The RTT therapy that I've been working with, I've done a lot to transform, um, to transform that. And I feel like I've stripped off layer after layer of all this armoring and conditioning. And I feel like more fully attuned and more fully aligned with who I am. And I mean, even people like who have met me over the past two years coming to Evercoach have come up to me and commented on how much of a shift and a change they see in my energy field and how beautiful I show up. So I know that there are, there's a lot there's progress change. Yes. But there's still, you know, there's still layers. Okay.
Christine Hassler (25:26):
That are still so, so we can look at it like there's layers and layers and layers, and you're gonna be dealing with this till you're 90. And then finally one day it's gonna be gone or you can look at it as like you're, you're just at the place where you're ready to break the pattern. Right. And right when we're at the place where we're ready to break a pattern, it gets stronger.
Katherine (Coachee) (25:44):
Christine Hassler (25:45):
So that's probably what's up. So patterns like this don't leave even after we dig and dig and dig because there's still a payoff, there's still something, this pattern is attached to, that's attached to one of your survival strategies. Like getting love, staying safe, all those kinds of things. So to me, it's a pattern of hiding to me. It's a pattern of playing small right. And retracting and recoiling. How does that serve you?
Katherine (Coachee) (26:11):
Um, I think playing small is, must seem more safe, right? Yeah.
Christine Hassler (26:18):
Um, safe from what?
Katherine (Coachee) (26:19):
Safe from rejection or, I mean, if, if you don't fully shown up and you're not fully seen, then
Christine Hassler (26:25):
If I'm not fully...
Katherine (Coachee) (26:26):
If I'm not. Yeah. If I'm not fully seen, then they haven't seen enough of me to know what their rejection, so their rejection doesn't mean as much. Right. Whereas if they actually see me and then they reject me, then it hurts more.
Christine Hassler (26:41):
Do you feel like, let me ask you this, let me, your little girl this. Yeah. Do you really feel like the bullies that bullied you truly saw you?
Katherine (Coachee) (26:48):
No, they never
CChristine Hassler (26:49):
Had exactly. So do you have, see how your belief system is a little untrue? Yeah. That it was actually not being seen. Yeah. That wasn't safe.
Katherine (Coachee) (26:58):
Christine Hassler (26:58):
Not being seen.
Katherine (Coachee) (27:01):
Christine Hassler (27:02):
Of being seen. What does being seen mean?
Katherine (Coachee) (27:05):
Being seen? It means being, being had to have somebody fully see me and appreciate me and to, to see the value mm-hmm
Christine Hassler (27:39):
Me, people are seeing you. Okay. But as long as you have that attachment to being seen yeah. Enrolling clients and building your coaching practice right. Is to becoming more from your wounding
Katherine (Coachee) (27:50):
Christine Hassler (27:51):
Than from your vision and your service.
Katherine (Coachee) (27:52):
Right. And I wanna, I want it to hold on.
Christine Hassler (27:53):
So I'm gonna see if I can help you hold this differently inside yourself. Okay. If I'd longer with you, we'd go into a lot of different directions, but I wanna give you something you can work with right now. So do you see how right now you've been wanting to enroll clients to help you heal your own wounds? Yes. You wanna serve and dah, dah, dah. Okay. So do you see the stakes in enrolling clients it's really freaking high for you and almost retraumatizing for that little girl. Can you see that? So can you see how there's like this push pull with building your business and enrolling clients because your own personal, emotional stability is tied to it. Okay. So would you say that being seen is one of your life lessons? Yeah. Okay. So instead of trying to be seen, what, if you make your primary intention, seeing others, like really seeing them yeah.
Christine Hassler (28:49):
Really understanding them because what's happening is your own self doubt. That own, like that own. When are you gonna see me? When are you gonna hurt me? Da, da, da, da, is impacting your ability to serve and connect with people. Right. So my encouragement to you would be to lean more into where you wanna go and stop trying to dig deeper into this wound right now. Right. Just making sense to you so far. Right? Mm-hmm
Katherine (Coachee) (29:23):
I see a really big heart. I see, um, an empathic connection. I action. I see somebody who sees through layers and cuts through. Um, and there's something in your eyes.That's like, can't hide from. And, uh, and
Christine Hassler (29:45):
What do you feel in your body when you're just seeing me?
Katherine (Coachee) (29:49):
Um, I'm feeling a little bit of a downregulation in my nervous system. Um, I, uh,
Christine Hassler (30:02):
Do you feel the fear of rejection when you're just seen and being present with me?
Katherine (Coachee) (30:08):
Christine Hassler (30:09):
Right. So this is your medicine, my love. Your medicine is a seer.
Katherine (Coachee) (30:15):
Christine Hassler (30:16):
You know that you're very intuitive. You're very empathic, but because you've got the massive fear of rejection, it's, it's impacted your ability to give. And this is true for all our gifts. There's a little bit of pain and fear attached to it. So sometimes really stepping in our gifts feels so, so scary. We're all like, oh yeah, I wanna be intuitive. I wanna be empathic, but that's actually kind of frightening when you get to the core of it. So part of your gift is you see people and part of your medicine is, you know, the pain of not being seen. So if you would focus more on your medicine, then your issues, things are going to start to shift for you. You've done enough work right now, time to focus on the medicine and your medicine is seeing other people. And the more you can see that and hold for them, then one, I think it's gonna help your business grow. And two, if someone does say, no, you see their no, as their business, not yours. Cuz you're able to see through where the no's coming from. You're able to see they're not ready.
Katherine (Coachee) (31:20):
Christine Hassler (31:21):
Not yet. Is this making sense? And if it doesn't feel safe to be fully seen yet, that's okay. You don't have to be fully seen in order to be successful, but does it feel safe to see people? So could you start there?
Katherine (Coachee) (31:34):
Christine Hassler (31:35):
Could you start there and could you start every enrollment conversation or coaching session or whatever? With the intention to be seen,
Katherine (Coachee) (31:42):
To see them,
Christine Hassler (31:43):
To see them, to see them
Katherine (Coachee) (31:46):
Christine Hassler (31:47):
Cause that's your medicine.
Katherine (Coachee) (31:48):
Christine Hassler (31:49):
How does this feel?
Katherine (Coachee) (31:50):
Christine Hassler (31:52):
What questions do you have?
Katherine (Coachee) (31:59):
I guess just how to let go of if, if I'm focusing on seeing them.
Christine Hassler (32:10):
If I want to,
Katherine (Coachee) (32:11):
How to start that enrollment conversation, I'm just, I'm focusing on seeing them, but right. Still have to bring up what you can offer.
Christine Hassler (32:17):
Hold on. So if I wanna pick up this glass with this hand, what do I have to do with this glass?
Katherine (Coachee) (32:23):
Christine Hassler (32:24):
To put this one down if I wanna pick up this one. Right? So you're, there's still, you're still really holding onto the fear, right? The fear of being seen the fear of rejection and that's more of the block than any conversation starter strategy or anything like this. If you can put down this fear of being seen in rejection and just pick up my medicine is seeing people. Then if you really see them, the, the, remember how I said the words just come through, it's gonna come. You're gonna see them. You're gonna know what to say. You're gonna be so tapped into your intuition. You, your intuition is just blocked because of your fear of rejection, right? You're in fight or flight mode. And so it's just blocking the channel from coming through. It's just like radios static. It's not cuz it's not there, but this is about trust too. And if I had more time, I'd go down that road with you. Yeah. But this is about, I just wanna give you one thing, right. That you can lean into because that's the other habit we get into as coaches, we spend so much time processing and cleaning up and NA NA NA instead of like leaning into the new thing, we wanna move into what we wanna embody
Katherine (Coachee) (33:26):
CChristine Hassler (33:27):
So can that be the focus like I'm gonna see people and my enrollment conversations in, in the interaction. I'm not gonna wait for people to see me. I'm gonna see people and I'm gonna be with people and I'm gonna learn how to feel safe in my own body with other people, by seeing them rather than hoping or being afraid. They're gonna see me.
Katherine (Coachee) (33:46):
Christine Hassler (33:46):
It's just making sense.
Katherine (Coachee) (33:48):
Christine Hassler (33:50):
Yeah. So what's an, what's an action step you can take from this conversation.
Katherine (Coachee) (33:55):
Just every time I engage in a conversation for the rest of the weekend, just really trying to see the person
Christine Hassler (34:01):
And talk to not trying well, your medicine.
Katherine (Coachee) (34:02):
Yeah. Just seeing
Christine Hassler (34:03):
Just yeah. Just doing what you do best. Yeah. Often the thing we crave the most for ourselves is what we're best at giving other people
Katherine (Coachee) (34:10):
Christine Hassler (34:11):
And when we start to give it and give it and give it, it's like, oh wow. We finally start to give it to ourselves. So that's it. What if the key to really launching your business and getting it to the next level was just seeing people truly. What if it was that simple?
Katherine (Coachee) (34:28):
Christine Hassler (34:30):
Isn't that kind of liberating?
Christine Hassler (34:32):
Yeah. And then just final thing. Oh, you can take my hand. Thank you.
Katherine (Coachee) (35:00):
Christine Hassler (35:04):
Sometimes the things we long for the most are often the things we resist the most. Cause you're doing really good. You have so much courage. And what do you see when you look out in this audience?
Katherine (Coachee) (35:14):
Lot of love.
Christine Hassler (35:15):
A lot of
Katherine (Coachee) (35:16):
Christine Hassler (35:17):
Yeah. Beautiful work. Thank you so much. Yeah. Give her a big round of applause.
Katherine (Coachee) (35:28):
Christine Hassler (35:28):
Yeah. Beautiful. I don't think I have time for another person cause I'll run over. But questions about that process. What did you notice?
Christine Hassler (35:38):
Well, well thanks. Thanks. Thanks. You are whatever. That's the thing with projection. Like we think it's just the negative things that things that trigger us is negative projection, but positive projections there too. So anytime we're we admire, anytime we respect, anytime we're jealous, we spot it. We got it. So we're just seeing something, someone else that we're not fully owning inside ourselves. Yes. Yes. So he was, he was saying slowing down. And does that make sense? Like cuz clients also they'll try to be on good behavior. So they'll just sit there and they'll be like mm-hmm
Audience Member (36:40):
And I love the part of like you really focusing on one thing to take away with and just staying there until it really was understood.
Christine Hassler (36:47):
Yep. Yep. That's that's the other thing is like, don't try to over deliver cuz guess what? Your clients are excited for a second and then they're totally overwhelmed and they don't know what to do. So that's the other thing we think we all gotta deliver so much value. Do so much do so much. Actually
Audience Member (37:12):
I felt, um, an amazing amount of compassion from you without emotion. And to me that was so much strength and it was very admirable. Yeah. Yeah. I, I really, that hit home hard for
Christine Hassler (37:24):
Me. Thank you. Well, and, and that's, that's why I wanted the context compassion because it's not that I don't feel compassion or feel for people. I also, so a lot of us, we all have the victim archetype in our consciousness and I also don't want to unconsciously reward them for their pain and enable 'em right. So if they're going through something hard and I'm like, they're just gonna be like, oh, this is how I get love. This is how I get attention. Cuz a lot of people have, when I have a problem, I get attention in love. So I will hold that space. And if I need, if I need to go deeper into it and do emotional release work with them and move the energy I will. But I won't let somebody sit in their sob story for too long. I either wanna go right into the emotion of it.
Christine Hassler (38:10):
Like let's stop talking about it and cry. That's why I was like, what would happen if you could let go, I could feel the tears and, and I go into it or it's, it's like we, we move out of it. So that's the other thing as coaches is just to be aware of, of, and none of you would do this on purpose, but it's sneaky. It's like sometimes we can enable our clients in their story. We don't wanna like pep talk and push 'em out too quickly. But we also don't wanna have any kind of that pity or judgment when they're going into it. Because it, it perpetuates that, oh, this is how I get love. We really wanna be able to celebrate them and the truth of who they are, not their story. I saw another. Yes.
Audience Member (38:46):
Um, you intervened. I was sitting thinking about myself and what you said about listening. And I thought, oh, she's talking a lot here. Yeah. But you intervened beautifully to stop what you've just described the dwelling in the circle circumstance. And then you completely reframed the word, seeing mm-hmm
Christine Hassler (39:13):
Yeah. Well you probably already are better at it because you wouldn't have noticed it. If you weren't already good at it in doing it, you wouldn't have been able to see that. Um, but that's the other thing too. What usually the presenting problem, like whatever the client says in the beginning is, is usually not the direction. And that's why I was saying earlier, you're not in the problem solving business. You're not because if you solve the problem, the client has to come in with that says, this is a presenting problem. You, from my point of view, you haven't done your work as a coach because it's, it, there's always something underneath that. That's created that. So that's where the detective part comes in. Right? It's like, what's really, really going on here. And if I had longer, I would've like not interrupted as much. Well, knowing me, I probably would've at this point, but
Christine Hassler (40:05):
You can feel the difference between when a client's connecting dots and they're really talking something through or they're just in your, their story and you wanna be able to come in and, and lovingly and not say, Hey, you're in your story. We're gonna go a different direction. But just ask a question, come in with a question redirect and again, help them lean into where they wanna go. Instead of continuing to try to process where they don't wanna be. I saw another, was it your hand? Oh, okay.
Audience Member (40:31):
I want to ask a question about when we are doing one on one coaching. Yes. And we go through the whole, uh, conversation and we come up with aha moment. And then we come up with this little action plan. I'm actually coaching, um, one client and we came up with this just one little action item. Yep. Right. He goes back and does it for two days. Yep. And then it doesn't do it because I asked him to send me a quick, uh, note saying how it felt right. Doing that and overcoming that one thing. Right. And then after third day he doesn't, then I give him a day Uhhuh
Christine Hassler (41:16):
Okay. So we stopped being accountable basically.
Audience Member (41:18):
Yes. And then now, now I don't know how to, I don't want to sound like a project manager or a mom. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know how to say like see you have to follow through. Yeah. How do I say
Christine Hassler (41:30):
That? You turn it into a coachable moment. You say, I notice you did this for two days and then you didn't what happened again? Detective scientist, not like you're not following my assignments. If you wanna get results, punk, you gotta do this every day. Right? It's not that energy. It's like, this is what I noticed. Let's talk about you turn it into a coachable moment. Cuz every one of your clients been parented and shamed and they've been in school and had authority figures. You don't wanna trigger that for them, but you wanna hold them accountable. So you go, Hey, this what happened? Let's talk about it. This is a coachable opportunity that wasn't working. Maybe I need to come up with something different as your coach, talk it out. This is your place where you get to tell me what's working and what's not. Yep. Do I, can I do one more question? Okay. Right here. And then I have to get, then I'm done.
Audience Member (42:15):
Is it on? Oh yeah. Hi Irina, yoga coach. I loved this conversation so much. I really admired how actually you drove her through the emotions and you held the space and this digging deep mm-hmm
Christine Hassler (42:58):
Audience Member (42:58):
Like, and, and actually like close up in the way that the person is in good space. Right. To get out after this whole emotional wounding and opening up and
Christine Hassler (43:08):
Right. Yep. So, um, a couple things and then my time's really out, but I'll be around. Um, what did you learn? What did you learn? How do you feel right now? What do you know to be true? What steps are you gonna take? And if they can articulate all those things, then you know, they're in an okay place. But usually when I do deep work with people, there's a self forgiveness process that we go into all that kind of stuff. But she's, she's advanced. So we could go pretty quick, but asking those four questions really help to integrate it and make sure they re say it in, in their words. Right. That answer your question. Yeah. And the last thing I'll say kind of to doing your own work, how I've gotten comfortable with emotions is I haven't been afraid of mine. I have yelled and screamed and raged and cried so hard.
Christine Hassler (43:53):
I thought my eyes were gonna fall outta my head. And you know, you've got to go to your dirty, dark, nasty shadow self, like you can't spiritual bypass and meditate your way out of life and expect to really be able to be a transformational coach. So don't be afraid of the shadow and of the dark because we shove that under the rug too much. And that's why so many people are in so much fucking pain. So go to your dark side, gets the other side of it and you'll be able to hold so much space for the people that you serve.
Coach Ajit (44:23):
Wasn't Christine amazing. Wasn't her coaching so effortless. This is something that we wanna listen into when we wanna follow along. We wanna see how we could be this effortless as we are becoming better and better as a coach. Thank you so much for tuning in. If you loved this episode, make sure you have subscribed this podcast. Make sure you leave us a five star rating. We love your ratings as well. Leave us a comment if there is something that you loved specifically in this episode, and if you really loved Christine do let us know. Thank you so much for tuning in. This is Coach Ajit and you're listening to Master Coaching with Ajit.
September 6, 2022Listen Now
August 30, 2022Listen Now