Coach Ajit (01:37):
He has created some amazing results with clients repeatedly. And today I am taking one of his live coaching sessions to demonstrate to you how you could use very specifically metaphors and distinctions to help somebody see a completely different picture than what has been stuck in their head. The coaching session you're gonna hear was recorded a few years ago at Mindvalley University in front of a live audience. So what you're about to listen into is something that was constantly related back with a live audience. And that's why sometimes you'll hear Jason engaging with a group of people, and that is to show and demonstrate how powerful metaphors and distinctions can be. So listen in for Jason's amazing approach to using metaphors and distinction, while he coaches individuals across from him. Now he's coaching somebody who is a really powerful woman, who is struggling to be able to accept how amazing she is.

Coach Ajit (02:35):
That's where the conversation starts and you will see how beautiful it unfolds into something even more powerful. Now here's one more thing that I do wanna share with you. You see recently, we got Jason to record a whole quest, a 4-week quest, on metaphors and distinctions, on how you can use these metaphors and distinctions in your coaching practice. And from what I know, there is no other place where you can find such a training, especially for coaches, designed especially for coaches. So if you're a coach that gets excited as you listen to this session and go, wow, this is a beautiful, beautiful way to really empower your clients. Draw out certain things that otherwise you will not be able to draw out. I encourage you to go ahead and check out Evercoach Membership. Inside Evercoach Membership this month, we are adding "Metaphors and Distinctions in Coaching" by Jason Goldberg. Super excited about you listening into this coaching session. It's powerful. It's amazing. You wanna save this session. You wanna send it to your coaching friends. Now I'll go away from the mic and let Jason take over.

Jason Goldberg (03:36):
Alaska. What can we play with today? That would be super, super significant and fun and powerful. And moving the needle forward in your life.

Alaska (Coachee) (03:44):
Well, I was hearing your talk and I said to myself, like I have a very serious relationship, not with one ninja baby, but with the whole nursery, I, I have it all. Like I told you, I feel I have it all. I have the business, I have the husband, I have the travels. I have the energy, I have it all. But for some reason I'm stuck. It's like, I have this serious conversation with every thought that comes into my head that says you're not enough. And, and I'm like, why? I mean, I'm here. I'm part of this tribe. I'm amazing. But I can say all of that in my head. Like, I can have the thoughts, but I don't feel it. I was running a workshop yesterday, naked money. It was amazing. People got lots of insight from there. And uh, they came up to me like, wow, this was amazing. I needed this space this moment. And uh, I was like, thank you. And they were like, you changed my life and was like, thank you, rock. I know rock. But then my husband asked me, how do you feel? And I'm like, like, shit, because I don't know why I keep feeling like this. Like, I'm not even proud of my own accomplishments. I'm so tired of that. Like really?

Alaska (Coachee) (05:14):
So thank you for inviting me here.

Jason Goldberg (05:17):
I hear you. And I've absolutely felt that. And it's totally normal to feel that way. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way at all. In fact, it shows how much you care about the work you do that you refuse to just say, yeah, I'm the best. And I believe it. And, and that's all it is because that could actually also take us off our game too. Right. So the fact that you it's obvious how much you care about the work you're doing and the people you serve. Yeah. So, so how would you know that the work you were doing was enough? Cuz it seems like people giving you all the praise and, and you even knowing that it's powerful, isn't enough. How would you know?

Alaska (Coachee) (05:49):
I think it's allowing me to feel it, to feel that it's enough, but I was thinking about it. And it's like, when somebody comes up to me and tells me, wow, this was amazing. Changed my life. I'm like, yeah, I feel it changed your life. Thank you for telling me that. But I'm expecting them to say yeah, changed my life, but It wasn't enough. Or I was expecting this or that. So,

Jason Goldberg (06:23):
And so you say that like, it's a bad thing. If somebody said this changed my life, but So what's the worst. Give me the worst case. Somebody says, this changed my life, but I, I hate the color of your dress. What, what, what, what do they say is after the, after the but, which I love the color of your dress by the way.

Alaska (Coachee) (06:38):
Well, I don't care if you don't like it.

Jason Goldberg (06:39):
Why don't you care if I don't like it?

Alaska (Coachee) (06:41):
Because it's my dress. It's my body

Jason Goldberg (06:45):
Interesting. But if I talked about your work, that would be different.

Alaska (Coachee) (06:51):
Well, no, not really. I've had people who said I don't like this. Yeah. So thank you. I wish you a lot of success. Bye-bye yeah.

Jason Goldberg (07:00):
So your worst fear has happened then you're fine. So that's not the thing. Yeah. So what's the thing, what's the worst part about you owning that? The work you do is fucking amazing. What's the danger in you owning that?

Alaska (Coachee) (07:12):
I think I'm dead scared of like my power, because I know what I'm doing. It's it's not small. I, well, I said that was going to say this out loud in Mindvalley. And here I am. You see, I'm really changing a continent. I'm from Venezuela. It's a country that you all know. And uh, I started doing this for my country, for my continent. I mean, people are struggling and we have this opportunity to be here and get all of this amazing knowledge. And uh, I use metaphors and distinctions and stories just to translate all of this conscious world into other people's lives, who don't get access to this and it works and it's amazing and I'm doing it. And I know I can go into a massive scale. I haven't done that yet. And I think that I'm scared of that. I'm scared of scaling up because I have it. I have the system, it works and I have the results. I have everything, but I'm like, there it's like, I can't move past that.

Jason Goldberg (08:29):
Why do you think that is? What are you scared of in scaling?

Alaska (Coachee) (08:35):
Maybe the responsibility cause with great power comes great responsibility. So yeah.

Jason Goldberg (08:42):
Do you feel any sense of burden that you're taking all this on your shoulders? Yes. There's a woman named Nancy Klein. She wrote book called Time To Think and another book called More Time To Think. And she said something in there that really hit me. And at first it was kind of like, Hey, fuck you. And then it was like, oh wow, that's actually really powerful. She said that in this world, no matter what it is, we're doing the work. We're doing conversations with people, whatever we are both essential and irrelevant.

Alaska (Coachee) (09:25):
Yeah.

Jason Goldberg (09:27):
And I'm curious if 5% of that significance of changing the world was removed from your shoulders, how would this work feel different for you?

Alaska (Coachee) (09:41):
I think it would be easier.

Jason Goldberg (09:46):
How so?

Alaska (Coachee) (09:47):
Well, something came up like, um, maybe I took on this responsibility because I was seeing that nobody else was doing it. So I said, okay, nobody else is doing it. I have to do something about this. And maybe I feel alone.

Jason Goldberg (10:06):
I wanna turn to you guys for a second cuz I just wanna, this is beautiful. And I'm so grateful that you're sharing this. So thank you. Anybody else here ever feel responsibility for their clients' outcomes and a good session means you're a good coach and a bad session means you're a bad coach. Yeah.

Alaska (Coachee) (10:22):
Yeah.

Jason Goldberg (10:23):
What I think I heard you said was that when this feels like world changing significant work, that's on your shoulders and you bear the burden of changing the entire landscape of a country. It feels a little challenging, which I get, I, I need a nap just thinking about doing that. And, and, and when you, and you say that, what if it wasn't as significant if you were just doing the work because it was Thursday instead of because it was this massive thing that you had to change the world with, it may feel a little easier. Is that right? Okay. So This element of being responsible for people's change, feeling responsible for changing an entire country, is this something that you feel a level of responsibility to, to change all these things that you're working on?

Alaska (Coachee) (11:06):
Yeah.

Jason Goldberg (11:07):
Yeah. I get it. And that can drive us. There's nothing wrong with that at all. That's like that can really get us out of bed. Like I'm responsible to do this thing and I'm somebody who lives in integrity. So I'm gonna make sure this happens. Yeah. And it has a shadow side and it can drain our creativity. It can burn us out and it's a burden that we bear. So I'm curious. How would it feel different for you if, instead of your goal being to be responsible for changing the entire landscape of Venezuela, that instead you did everything in your power to simply contribute to change in Venezuela. If you look at that distinction responsible for versus contributing to how does that land for you?

Alaska (Coachee) (11:50):
Well, actually I started working on that about a year ago and I said, okay, well this is everybody's responsibility. It's not only mine. So when I switched to that and I started working like that, actually my business started growing because I was not only touching people in Venezuela, but in whole south America. And uh, people were resonating everywhere. And I said, this is not only a problem of Venezuela. It happens everywhere. It's just that it popped up in Venezuela, but it's the same everywhere. And uh, so yeah, so I think I already started working on that, but maybe it's, I haven't gone deep enough.

Jason Goldberg (12:34):
So what would it look like to go deeper on contributing to versus responsible for

Alaska (Coachee) (12:44):
Getting more people on board and uh, not being afraid to speak up my truth and what I really want to do so that I have more people helping me actually, and uh, contributing to the mission.

Jason Goldberg (13:00):
How would that change? How you show up?

Alaska (Coachee) (13:04):
Well, I need to show up more. I mean, I, I see you and I'm like, I'm just like him. Like, I'm very playful. I'm very joyful. I have great energy. I don't have problem with being on stage being coached or that. And uh, but you show up more.

Jason Goldberg (13:22):
So what, what, what do I know or what am I a complete idiot about that allows me to show up and do that? You're, you're obviously smarter than me. That's why you don't do that. Right. Cause I'm kind of an idiot sometimes. So what is it that, what is it that I know that, that you think I know or have access to that you don't know or have access to?

Alaska (Coachee) (13:38):
Um, I think it's allowing yourself to play more, to just, uh, play and let go. This, I was telling you before, like I love this stance of the universe and being here at Mindvalley, I'm actually working at the nursery and I keep telling, uh, Kathy, like the manager there every day, this is more for me than for the kids. You know, I need to be on the floor playing with Legos and just not overthinking and not having these serious conversations with myself, just being playful as a kid because they're very creative and I've learned so much from them. And, and you're like a big kid, like a big three year old. Yeah.

Jason Goldberg (14:19):
I have an enormous three year old. I think it's a gland issue, I think is what is what's going on here.

Alaska (Coachee) (14:23):
Yeah. Yeah. I want more of that to be like a...

Jason Goldberg (14:27):
So how do you think your mission is gonna be held back? If you're, if you continue to stay really serious with your thinking,

Alaska (Coachee) (14:33):
Well, it's not gonna move forward. It's just gonna stay small. And I know I have much more to give and, and to contribute so...

Jason Goldberg (14:44):
And this is the beautiful thing, right? This is the nature of how our consciousness and how our thinking works. And it was what I, I had up on the screen, but I didn't get to explain it. I'll explain it. Now is this hot air balloon metaphor, right? Hot air balloons are designed to rise. Like they are literally designed to not be on the ground on the ground. They they're stupid, they're worthless, they're designed to rise. And so we have the little pull string. You pull the pull string and the fire goes up into the balloon and that's what makes it rise. But if we still have the little sandbags that are on the hot air balloon, we can push and push and push and use more fuel and more fire. And if we're lucky enough to still ascend, it's gonna be slow and it's gonna burn out all of our energy.

Alaska (Coachee) (15:22):
That's me

Jason Goldberg (15:24):
So, so the question is some people and myself included, I've definitely done this. This is actually, my default is to say, I'm gonna double down and put even more fire instead of simply saying, what if I took these little sandbags just very gently and just kind of dropped them off the edge, right? What if I question these thoughts? What if I took this thought less seriously? What if I allowed this thought to be without it being a nuisance in my life and allowed it to go away now, all of a sudden with half or a quarter of the firepower that I was using, the hot air balloon does what it's meant to do and it's meant to rise. So what are the sandbags for you that you feel need to gently be released?

Alaska (Coachee) (16:04):
Self-judgment. Not judge myself.

Jason Goldberg (16:10):
What does that mean? Self-judgment how does that show up for you?

Alaska (Coachee) (16:13):
Well, I'm very hard on myself. I'm always criticizing myself everything I do or, uh, or say, or think, even think, why am I thinking this? Even if it's a good thing, what did I think about this? Just stop. Oh, so that would be a good thing. And uh, Well really not caring about what people think about me, cuz I, I think I let go a lot of that, but I realized, I, I thought I was way passed over that. No, I really care what they think about me. And uh, so it just, yeah, letting go of that and um, letting go of the seriousness, letting go of the past, like, doesn't matter what happened in the past, just letting go of that. I, I have a very hard time letting go of the past and uh, Yeah. And even the future, like, doesn't matter what happens in the future. Yeah. I have this idea, but it always Shows up in a different way. Now my future, like I'm here. I love it that I'm being here. But I, I never... This wasn't in my bucket list. Like 10 years ago.

Jason Goldberg (17:33):
I love that you brought up the self-judgment thing, uh, because I can sum up the most powerful coaching I've ever received in my life into 10 words. So my coach, Steve Chandler, couple years ago, I wrote him this email long loopy email, just like, I don't know if I was on something. I don't know what it was. Three or four page email that I sent him that just said all these things. I was stressed about. Steve, I don't know what to do. I just, I have this thing. And what if I invest in this and I lose the money or what if this person doesn't sign up or what if this doesn't grow the way I wanted to. And oh God, what if I like, what if one day had to move a job again? And I, I just go through this whole long thing, this literally four page diatribe of all the things I'm worried about. He writes me back about two hours later and he says 10 words, so much compassion for what you're putting yourself through. And I did the same thing you're doing right now when I got that email. Cuz it was freedom.

Alaska (Coachee) (18:28):
Yeah.

Jason Goldberg (18:31):
Deep breath.

Jason Goldberg (18:38):
Thank you.

Alaska (Coachee) (18:38):
Thank you.

Jason Goldberg (18:41):
What do you think when you hear that?

Alaska (Coachee) (18:48):
I would say the same thing to somebody else.

Jason Goldberg (18:53):
Yeah. We're our worst clients. I would fire myself in a fucking hot minute.

Alaska (Coachee) (18:58):
Yeah.

Jason Goldberg (19:03):
But imagine if that was your only practice every day is to notice when you're putting yourself through this, when you are making it a little bit too serious when you're making it a little too significant, not as a judgment, as a noticing, like I truly believe that that the, the heavy thoughts that we have, the self judgment, all these things, it's like the, the light on our dashboard that tells us we're low on fuel. Right? When I'm driving my car and the little light flashes that says you're low on fuel, I would never say what a piece of shit car really, really, I put gas in you a week ago and now you want gas again. 'Cause it's so stupid. I would never do that. Right. And at the same time, the gas light doesn't light up when you're out of gas, right? The gas light comes on when you still have 30, 40, 50 miles left to give you ample time to figure out what's off.

Alaska (Coachee) (19:50):
Yeah.

Jason Goldberg (19:51):
It's just a gentle reminder. Hey, just so you know, you're fine for now, but in 30 or 40 miles, sometime between now and then maybe a good idea to pull off and get some gas. So what if every day, your only practice was to notice when that stuff was coming up to not judge it, to not force it away, to not try to overcome it or over masculinize, the spiritual bypassing and reframing and all that shit. That's great. But often useless when we're, when we're kind of at a low place, was to notice that as a, as a blinking light on the dashboard to let you know, something may be a little off and just ask yourself, you can have a little compassion for whatever you're putting yourself through. Do you think that would be helpful?

Alaska (Coachee) (20:26):
Yeah, I have to learn.

Jason Goldberg (20:29):
Or you don't, you don't have to do shit. Okay. None of us do like seriously, this coaching thing, nobody has to change. You guys are all perfectly fine. I remember a guy came to me and he said, I want you to coach me so I can get my wife to stop being late.

Jason Goldberg (20:45):
And I said, well, is it a problem for her that she's late? He goes, no. I said, well, there's nothing to coach around. She's fine. You're the one with the problem. I can coach you to stop making it so significant that your wife is always late, but I can't coach her. There's no problem. So there's no problem at anything, anything you're saying, if you didn't change a single thing, you would still rock out. You would still fucking crush it and you would make huge impact in the world. Yeah. And sometimes that's like swimming laps in a pool of hot lava. It's an awesome workout, but you're gonna be dead before you can realize the benefits.

Alaska (Coachee) (21:16):
Hmm. Yeah.

Jason Goldberg (21:20):
So what I want for you is that smile, that essence, that spirit to beat your guiding force, to wake up every day and say, today, I'm gonna play today. I'm gonna create. And in the inevitable times where you're down and your consciousness gets low again to say, oh, this is what I call having a Britney Spears moment. Right? You have a negative thought pop in your head and you go, oops, I did it again. And it's that gentle? It's just, oops. I did it again. A thought popped in my head. I took it seriously. How sweet of me to do that? Like how innocent? And I mean, I really like how innocent am I that a thought popped in my head and I took it seriously.

Alaska (Coachee) (21:55):
Yeah.

Jason Goldberg (21:56):
So if we were starting this session over again right now, what would you be asking me instead of what you said when you first came up?

Alaska (Coachee) (22:03):
How do we play more? Mm.

Jason Goldberg (22:06):
I love that. So tell me, how do you play more?

Alaska (Coachee) (22:09):
Take off your socks.

Jason Goldberg (22:11):
Take off my socks. You trying to strip me down like this.

Alaska (Coachee) (22:15):
Just get on the same level.

Jason Goldberg (22:17):
So, so can somebody give her some singles, some dollar bills so we can make this happen. I'm just kidding.

Jason Goldberg (22:23):
What else, what else would playing look like for you in your world? What brings you joy? Like when are you really in your, like your highest joy? What are you doing?

Alaska (Coachee) (22:31):
Uh, oh, I'm gonna use a metaphor, for me.

Jason Goldberg (22:35):
Oh, good. We're talking about those today. So this is good. Yeah.

Alaska (Coachee) (22:37):
Yeah. So for me when I'm coaching or when I'm delivering a workshop or talk or whatever it is, I imagine the, the audience is like, um, this pot full of popcorn, but it's the corn, like the raw corn and they're just there and I'm just hitting it up, just playing around, you know, moving it, then I just put the butter and then you just see the first one pop it's like, yeah, it's working. I love that. And then it's just one, like we're at the others, we're at the others boys. It happen. So I just have to keep the heat going on and, and I just see all the faces, you know? And it's like popcorn. You just see the in, see it in everybody's faces. Like they're getting something on inside or something. That's really making them come out of their shell, like a beautiful popcorn, you know, they're all different. And uh, then you just put some seasoning on and then you have the best popcorn of your life. So that this is what I love doing.

Jason Goldberg (23:37):
That's amazing. Give a round of applause for that. I mean, come on, like really lighting people up in the world. God I'm so, so hungry now outside of your work, what else put you in a place of joy?

Alaska (Coachee) (23:52):
Cooking.

Jason Goldberg (23:53):
Cooking? Like what, what would you cook that would put you in a place of joy?

Alaska (Coachee) (23:56):
Popcorn.

Jason Goldberg (23:57):
Okay. No, that's good. We've gone from metaphor to literal. Good.

Alaska (Coachee) (24:00):
Yeah. Cause it's the literal, I mean, it's my world, I'm a cook. I learned how to cook and I love cooking. And uh, even if when I travel to different countries, I just learned the basics of each country. And then I go to my own lab, which is my kitchen and I just start, you know, mixing up ingredients and just, it's so mindful for me. I can be there for three, four hours. And for other people it would be like, I'm so stressed. I have to be in the kitchen. But for me it's like, it's joy. That's my playground. And then it's so tasty and you know, my husband, he loves me for that.

Jason Goldberg (24:33):
That's amazing. Will you cook for me as well?

Alaska (Coachee) (24:36):
Yes, of course.

Jason Goldberg (24:36):
So you're in your joy when you're serving and you're in your joy when you're cooking, what else? What else could you do? That's a very small thing that would put you in joy.

Alaska (Coachee) (24:44):
Where I'm, uh, when I'm singing, where I'm making music, I play the piano. So since I'm here, I've been the guys in the back. They've seen me because I come here in the morning and I just play allowing myself to play. Mm. And, uh, yeah, just singing, dancing and all of self-expression.

Jason Goldberg (25:05):
And are you allowed to do that? Are you allowed to play more? Is that okay? Yes. Does it make you less professional if you play? No. Does it make you less effective as a coach if you play? No. Does it mean you don't care about your business if you play? No. Does it possible that it's the opposite of all those things when you play?

Alaska (Coachee) (25:19):
Yes, exactly. That's what I did. Uh, last Friday I had a lot of things to do for my business and I said, oh, maybe I won't go in the morning to play piano. I said, fuck the business. I'm gonna go play piano. And, uh, and yeah, I just made time for myself, play the piano and then just went out and worked. And I had time for everything.

Jason Goldberg (25:41):
Love that. There's a tool that I have that I use called PBQ: prison break questions. And I've shared 'em at Evercoach Summit before. And a prison break question essentially is a, is a question that takes a, a problem and makes it no longer problematic. And, and the structure, it of it is if I knew what would I do, right. Essentially, if I knew what would I do? So I'd love for you to come up with a prison break question for yourself, and maybe it's now, or maybe it's later, or maybe it's both to remind yourself that play is actually the quickest route to all the things that you want. It's not apart from what you want to create. Mm it's a part of what you want to create. Does that make sense? Yes. So something, even to the effect of, if I knew that finding my joy was the quickest route to change the entire landscape of Venezuela, how would I show up in this moment?

Alaska (Coachee) (26:29):
I think it's music.

Jason Goldberg (26:32):
Now that's a question you would take with you and you can just ask yourself that question. Whenever you're kind of feeling a little heavy, a little down, it's just really asking yourself. If I knew that me finding my joy was the quickest route to the change I wanna make. How would I show up in this moment? And in that moment, in that instance, you can shift the entire perspective of how you're showing up in the world. Do you know that that's possible for you?

Alaska (Coachee) (26:52):
Yes, it is. And, uh, it's something I've, it's like, I've known this all my life. Yeah. And I know it right now and why didn't I do it, but yeah. Uh, I think the biggest hits in my career and for my audience and all of that is when I've brought music into what I'm teaching them. And, uh, the response has been amazing and I'm always saying, oh, you know, after a pool, I do it after this. I do. After Christmas, I'll do it after this I'll start and I haven't started yet. So I'm gonna start now.

Jason Goldberg (27:28):
Give it a round of applause. I'm, I'm super excited for you because you do, you have such an amazing spirit and such a huge heart and such an obvious desire to serve. And I know that when you tap into this joy, I know that's when you're at your best.

Alaska (Coachee) (27:48):
Yeah. Thank you.

Jason Goldberg (27:49):
So what is your, what is the big takeaway that you're gonna have from this? What's one insight that you really feel like is gonna make a difference if you practice it going forward?

Alaska (Coachee) (28:03):
Um, it's about me. It's about allowing myself to be with me, to play with me, to be compassionate towards me. Yeah. Just be who I'm supposed to be and not delay it anymore.

Jason Goldberg (28:25):
And remembering also it's... I love that you just said this, you guys all catch a few seconds ago when she said, I already know this stuff. Like I, I know, I know this already. I love when people say that because what a lot of coaches that have big egos, don't like to hear, especially when I say this, they get really upset is that we're actually as coaches, we're in the PR business, but PR stands for permission and reminders. That's the business we're in. So there is nothing I was trying to teach you up here. I'm just trying to point you back to what you already know to give you permission, to play, to give you the reminder that's happening into your joy is the quickest route to you creating something meaningful in the world. So thank you so much for sharing with us and thank you for being amazing.

Coach Ajit (29:04):
Wasn't that an amazing session? If you enjoyed listening to that amazing coaching session, go ahead. Give us a five star rating review. If you don't follow us on Spotify, go ahead and follow us on Spotify. If you're not just subscribed on apple podcast, go ahead and subscribe on the apple podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in. If you wanna learn more about Evercoach Membership, scroll below, click on the link in the show notes that will lead you to a discount offer of Evercoach Membership. Go ahead and join the Evercoach Membership, so you can learn from Jason for the next four weeks how to use metaphors and distinctions in your coaching practice. Thank you so much for tuning in. This is Coach Ajit and you're listening to Master Coaching with Ajit.