April 26, 2022
Change is always hard. It demands us to adapt and adjust, and sometimes we don't have the right support to go through it. So, how can we build the courage to face our fears of transition and step into a new path in our lives? In today’s episode,...
Change is always hard. It demands us to adapt and adjust, and sometimes we don't have the right support to go through it. So, how can we build the courage to face our fears of transition and step into a new path in our lives?
In today’s episode, Coach Ajit coaches Nathalie, a part-time coach who has been longing to quit her job and make a transition into full-time coaching but struggles with fears and lack of support from her loved ones.
If you resonate with Nathalie, whether you find yourself struggling to commit to your coaching career or you lack the support system to make the transition, this episode is for you. If you have a coaching client who is struggling to make a transition in their life, this conversation will also be very insightful to support their journey better.
Listen in on this powerful coaching session to discover the perspective shifts, questions, and tools you can use whenever you find yourself in need of change.
Ajit Nawalkha (00:00):
You are listening to Master Coaching with Ajit, a podcast that inspires coaches to impact lives of their clients more meaningfully. I am Coach Ajit and I'm known for coaching high performers, entrepreneurs, and leaders. I'm also a serial entrepreneur and author of many books. On this podcast, I am answering your burning questions. I'm also demonstrating and deconstructing behind the scenes coaching sessions.
Ajit Nawalkha (00:35):
And in today's episode, I'm inviting you into a private conversation I had with one of our clients, Nathalie. Nathalie has just recently finished our Certified Life Coach program. And she's struggling to make a decision of if she should quit her job, if she shouldn't quit her job. And she's also struggling with the whole dynamic that plays out with friends, family, and loved ones. What I am going to explore with Nathalie today can be really powerful. If you are a person that wants to really commit to their coaching career, but find yourself struggling to make a decision, find yourself struggling, to create progress. Find yourself struggling, to be able to really find that path, that middle ground where transition can truly have happen. I'm going to explore some very powerful questions that I'll be asking Nathalie. And I really invite you to think about these questions as you are going through this journey. Nathalie, like any new coach, has a lot of fears.
Ajit Nawalkha (01:37):
She has a lot of concerns. She has a lot of uncertainties. What you will find is as I coach her through it, it unveils one fear. After another, we come up with playbooks for each of these fears to be able to really create certainty in her life so she can really make progress. You're gonna truly enjoy this coaching session. If you are somebody that is in this boat right now, if you're going to work with clients that need to transition from one career to another one, life to another, this will also be a powerful session for you. Now let's listen into the conversation of me coaching Nathalie. Hi Nathalie.
Nathalie (Coachee) (02:18):
Hi Ajit, how are you?
Ajit Nawalkha (02:19):
I'm good. How are you?
Ajit Nawalkha (02:21):
Yeah, I'm very good. Thank you.
Michael Neill (02:23):
Good to you.
Nathalie (Coachee) (02:25):
Yes. Good evening.
Ajit Nawalkha (02:27):
How's everything going? How's your day been?
Nathalie (Coachee) (02:29):
Yeah, it's been good. Yeah. Here. It's uh, yeah, it's uh, it's at PM already. And um, yeah, it's been a good day. Long day. I'm uh, yeah, I'm a mom. So taking care of my son, but he's in bed now. It's fine.
Ajit Nawalkha (02:45):
Oh, that's great. That's great. How was the day though? Generally like you had a good day, you had a good productive day. Were you working? Were you taking like a day off or something?
Nathalie (Coachee) (02:54):
No, I was working, but that that's probably linked to, to yeah. The topic I wanted to, to discuss today, but, uh, it's been a good day, but it it's true. Difficult for me. I'm working. I have a corporate role and the same time, just I'm trying to develop my coaching business. So I'm working, part-time now I shifted to a part-time setting, but so Tuesdays are my favorite days. Cause I'm not working for my part role, but um, the rest of the week I'm working there. I mean, right now I'm lucky I can work from, from home, which helps a lot. But, um, yeah, I'm, I'm struggling with this energy because I think I really made that separation now with, you know, my part role and I know definitely where want to go. I want to be a coach. I want to develop my business and I have many other projects and things I want to do.
Nathalie (Coachee) (03:44):
I have a, I think a clear vision of where I want to go, but still, I feel I'm cleaning a little bit to my corporate role. It's been two years now that I'm in that situation of trying to come up here with developing my business and then should I stay? Should I, even at first, actually I wanted to do both. That was part of my vision. I was like, okay, I'm going to do both. But I realized very quickly that actually the energy that I was getting from, you know, coaching and personal development area was bringing me some vibes that were so different. So, you know, I was like, I can't do both, actually. It's not possible. And also I'm someone, I do something, I do it 100%. I really struggle to, to do things halfway. And I was like, no, it's not gonna be possible.
Nathalie (Coachee) (04:27):
So I took a sabbatical. I took three months off last year to really, okay. Let's try to do that properly and well, but it's, it's true. Three months probably was not enough. I had so many things to learn in terms of, of developing the business, you know? Yeah. The marketing, because it's not just being a coach, it's also developing a business. And for me, it's, it's new. And I had a business in the past 20 years ago, but nothing to do, you know, with online business or anything. And I was doing jewelry design. And so not the same at all, but anyways, and then I went back to work and I was ready actually to resign, even though after the three months, you know, things didn't necessarily took, took off, but I was feeling the momentum. I was really like, uh, you know, decided I was like, yeah, that's it.
Nathalie (Coachee) (05:12):
That's my new life. And it's true that, yeah, my partner for example, was a bit more, you know, skeptical and I completely understand it's true from an external point of view, it's like, well, you don't really have a proper, you know, pipeline of plants or anything. So maybe, you should wait a little bit and we find a compromise. I agreed. So I stayed, but it's true that now I really struggle. I'm in that loop of, because I, I feel so disconnected from my, my job. I feel that energy is also impacting now that depleting energy is impacting. Yeah. The, the energy I want to have to, to develop my business. And, and recently it translated into yeah. Being quite sick, got COVID and it's nobody's fault. But it's just to say, I, I know it was something because I felt I wasn't not to be sick because of my business, but I felt a sense of relief towards my corporate role.
Nathalie (Coachee) (06:05):
And that's where I, I was like, oh, there is something not quite good there. And it's true now. So I have a bit of anxiety and there is the question of returning, you know, to the office. And I'm like, oh, can't do that. I can't do that. And I, I'm stuck a little bit in that loop and I've been thinking about actually finding just another job, but then I'm like, but the energy I'm going to, to put into finding another job, I could find, put it in, you know, developing my business. And I think where I am at sorry to, but where I'm, I'm not, I feel like I can't let I go of my job. I, I feel it's, there is still something maybe I'm afraid of completely diving into my new life that I really want to. And I feel this, what I call this dilemma of, I have this job and I dunno if I, I would like to live, but I, I come straight away. I feel I it's also, yeah, sort of a, an excuse in a way, but I don't know how to break that.
Ajit Nawalkha (07:00):
Thank you. Thank you for sharing that, Nathalie. Nathalie, what would make this conversation of an in conversation? You kind of alluded to that, but I wanna, I wanna get clear and really understanding what are you seeking today. What I heard you alluded to was to be able to help you make a decision words, leaving your job. I mean, which could be a thing that we could approach, but, but I'm not sure if that's what you're looking for or if you're looking for something else and that's just top of your mind. So if you could help me really understand what is it that will make this conversation, uh, powerful conversation for you?
Nathalie (Coachee) (07:35):
Sure. I would say it's more how I, can it go of the dilemma in a way, uh, how I can actually keep this energy developing my business quietly, even if it takes a bit of time, but to stop making that situation, problem or challenge, because I don't think I would leave my job right now, because again, it, the compromise was I would live once I have have a little bit more of a clients and by, by plan, really, but it's more, I want to let go of that dilemma dilemma of, yeah, I chose this and I just focus on this fully without always having to go back to that, uh, resentment or that I have towards my corporate role in a way I dunno, that is,
Ajit Nawalkha (08:18):
Is, have used, stepped away from either of the roles without really knowing if it is the corporate job or not, but just simply just saying, Hey, why do I have this dilemma? Have you sat down with that question? And what came through to you as to why do you have that dilemma? Because in some ways, at least the way you are sharing this information, it sounds, you're really clear on what you want. It doesn't sound like you are in that phase where you can't decide it's something else. So, so what is it that causes this dilemma?
Nathalie (Coachee) (08:48):
That that's exactly what I'm wondering. I'm like, why is it still there? Because I, I was before in the, what if, you know, I was scared. I was like, what if it's not working? And, but I'm not there anymore. I'm really convinced. I know it's gonna be working well and everything, but that's why I'm feeling that I'm just using that situation to stay away from a fear of something, you know, of really going for actually, sorry, but just cross me, my mind is, um, part of the, the certification and, and, uh, in the peer group. And I saw some people, you know, saying, Hey, I've announced on, um, Facebook or LinkedIn that I had my certification and they were using the word coming out, you know, like, uh, so some people were say, Hey, congratulations on coming out as a, as a coach, everything. And I was like, wow, that's interest thing, because that's really how it feels to me.
Nathalie (Coachee) (09:37):
I feel I haven't really come out. For example, my family, my parents, they don't know. But, uh, my coaching business is true around me. This is not a real personal development or coaching or everything that is, you know, they are familiar with. I'm afraid. They wouldn't really understand. And therefore if I say, yeah, I'm living my life, that is currently very comfortable and, you know, in terms of salary and everything, and I've been in that company for a very, very long time. Yeah. They, they would completely freak out. There is that sense of, I maybe not owning, you know, that vision actually that I have for myself
Ajit Nawalkha (10:15):
And Nathalie, I I'm hearing a few things. So I wanna explore them a little bit more. Previously you had said that there was an arrangement that you came in with your partner on, on how to do this. Right. And now you're saying you are also feeling, or what's coming through to you, is that how would your parents or your family going to perceive you making a decision in your life? It sounds to me like that it's important to you on how your family at least sees you. Right? Like your parents see this particular adventure that you're going on, or your, maybe your love partner sees it. And what is their acceptance to it? Is, is that true? Yeah.
Nathalie (Coachee) (10:54):
Yeah. No, no, it's true.
Ajit Nawalkha (10:56):
Yeah. Okay. Why is it so important for you, for them to, um, accept your decisions that you're making about your career?
Nathalie (Coachee) (11:04):
Because that's how I, I grew up in a way I am a people pleaser person. I always feel, I need people to validate. I always feel people knows better than me. I always feel, yeah, there is this sense of, uh, need for validation and approval. Although I've been working on that a lot, there is still some, you know, trace of that. And I think that's why sometimes so angry. I, I, I come on, I'm in my, you know, early forties, but like still there. I mean, I mean, I just want to live my life and, and on top of that, it's what I do with Michael. I, you know, I help, I empower women and, you know, to live, really embrace the ambition and everything. And, and I feel that that's where I feel like I live a little bit of a, of a lie as well, you know, in, in NCE with what I do and what I preach as well. But yeah, that, that's where I am. Yeah. I need that sense of harmony is very important to me. And I, I feel that if I go against the will or the mainstream in a way, people are gonna be angry at me or they're gonna be happy. And I don't think I can cope well with, you know, the, the conflict. That's what I Preem, you know, like, I'm not saying that's what would happen, but that's what I create the story I create in my mind. Yeah.
Ajit Nawalkha (12:19):
Mm. Do you think your parents and your loved ones love you?
Nathalie (Coachee) (12:23):
Ajit Nawalkha (12:24):
Okay, cool. So the story that you shared that you have created in your mind that they might be conflict, that they might be resulting in some kind attention. What is it that Nathalie can do think project into the future to find an alternate reality or an alternate possibility? Here's what I mean, uh, right now what we are doing is, Hey, I'm gonna make this announcement. I'm gonna commit to my future being a coach and every nobody's gonna freak out. Right. That's the story that we are telling ourselves. And so it goes, oh, I don't know if I wanna do this and holding ourselves back and doing it. Let's experiment. Let's almost like trying a code on, right. What if it was the other way around? You share your story and you shared what you wanna do, what you're really passionate about. And everybody goes, wow, that's amazing. I always hope you do something that you really enjoyed because I saw you in your current career, you were not enjoying what you did. Right. So, so let's say that would be the outcome. What is it? And how is it that Nathalie has to show up that would get that response from your family and your loved one?
Nathalie (Coachee) (13:30):
Probably, yeah, some confidence. I mean, some assertiveness and confidence and, and just calmness of that's what I want to do. And that's what will happen.
Ajit Nawalkha (13:41):
And do you think if you're assertive and calm, they will accept it lot more easily, everything that you are going to do and create, is that what they're looking for from you?
Nathalie (Coachee) (13:53):
That's, that's what I wish, but I, I can't tell. Yeah. Telling myself that's not the answer I would get, especially because for example, when last year I said to my partner, yes, I want to quit. And that's it. And you know, and the response was not the one I was expecting. So I think now I'm a bit like, oh,
Ajit Nawalkha (14:15):
I I'm gonna keep trying to open this box because there might be something to, to explore in our conversation, even with our partner, for example. Right. So could there be that there is, and you know, this technique, so it's easier to explain it to you, but for the listeners of podcasts, I'm gonna reemphasize. Could there be a possibility that we could watch this happen as a movie screen, as a movie that is happening in front of us. And we could take turns of firstly, Nathalie, going into that conversation, seeing what she said and getting the response, what she got, and then feeling the way she felt, right. This Nathalie's very aware of, you know, what happened, right. But now I wanna turn it around. I want us to look at the same scenario from the point of view of your love partner, right? How did they come into that conversation?
Ajit Nawalkha (15:06):
How did they feel during the conversation and what they might have felt after the, now here is me projecting a little bit. I'm not saying this is true, but for the sake of our conversation, I'm gonna project a little bit. And also for our listeners, because while you reflect, there will be a gap and, and it's easier for the listeners to understand what we are really trying to do here. Okay. What if your partner had just come back from their work and you were sitting and having that conversation and your partner, like you had a busy day at work, you both have a child together or however, and so they were also coming back to hired and exhausted from the work and they maybe didn't have a great day at work. Let's imagine that for a second. And now, as they came in, you said, Hey, I really wanna live my purpose.
Ajit Nawalkha (15:50):
I wanna really of what I wanna do and don't wanna quit this job, because I feel like I'm complete here. And I deplete energy out of me, your partner, because they were coming back from work. And the moment you brought that up, their emotional guard and emotional, not only emotional, but economic guard came up, they went, oh crap. If she quits her job, how we gonna take care of our kid? How am I gonna take care of her? I don't make enough money. I'm not safe enough in a way where financially I can provide for the family. What if she does quit? And then I'm not able to take care of the family. And let's say all of that narrative went. And so they said, no, Nathalie, you cannot do that to us. You cannot do that to our family. I understand you may not be loving the job that you do, but we gotta take care of this kid.
Ajit Nawalkha (16:33):
We committed this together, right? Yeah. So they didn't say any of the insecurities, they might have experienced. They just projected into saying, don't do what you're even thinking, because it's not safe. Right. And now they go away. Let's imagine that they, next day, when they had a minute in the office or while driving to the office or in the train to the office office or wherever, they went for a walk, they finally had a chance to really reflect on it. Then they went, I should, I really want Nathalie to do what she wants to do. I want her happy because I love her. How can I really create a reality where I can have her also live her purpose? Now they may not have this answer yet, but maybe they ask that question themselves. Do you think that this is in the realm of possibility?
Nathalie (Coachee) (17:15):
It is because that's somehow what happened. I mean, we had several other conversation after that and, uh, which is fantastic. Then he asked me how he could support me. And, you know, I mean, he is very, we get very well and he's very present and very supportive. So it's fantastic. And I understood. Yes, he's fear. And I think the know very normal is just, I think for me then it, it brought back a lot of fear and self doubt that I had. And since then it feels like, yeah, I, I cannot, you know, get out of this and just make things happen. You know, make my dream happen. I think I heard is, is reply completely. It stated in me, I think it was a projection of a lot of things. It crystallized in a way.
Ajit Nawalkha (17:59):
You know what fear is, Nathalie, fear is our story of the future. Fear is us saying something won't work out. It's not the truth. The emotional fears I'm there are of course real fears. Like if there was a carbo run your, but that's a very real fear. That's a very different thing. I'm talking about fears that we create based on what may happen tomorrow with the belief that we understand how things work. But let's be really honest. We only understand how things work a little bit. We know how to make a copy of from a coffee machine, but will the beautiful career that we thought about in the future will work out on that. There's no real way to really know it'll work out or not. Right? So that's more of a fear that we create by telling ourselves a story and because it's a story of the future, the antithesis for fear is a plan to tackle that uncertainty.
Nathalie (Coachee) (18:51):
Ajit Nawalkha (18:52):
You see when we have a plan to deal with something, we feel a lot more certain about that something. Isn't it? We feel safe because we feel like, oh, I know how to, or what to do when this happens, right?
Nathalie (Coachee) (19:06):
Ajit Nawalkha (19:06):
So if we can get clear about what are we really scared of and make a plan to tackle that fear? We have a possibility, there's a way for us to lean into it without feeling unsafe.
Nathalie (Coachee) (19:20):
Mm-hmm. Yeah .
Ajit Nawalkha (19:20):
There's a way for us to submerse that fear into a plan that has a potential to work. So is there a chance that you have sat down with your fear clearly identified what this fear is and then make a plan for it?
Nathalie (Coachee) (19:38):
No, I haven't
Ajit Nawalkha (19:38):
Did you do that yet?
Nathalie (Coachee) (19:40):
Ajit Nawalkha (19:40):
No? So here's something that we can do. And this is also for our listeners who may be fearful of quitting the job that they might wanna quit. They may be fearful of making a transition in career. They may be fearful of doing something that is more passionate and more aligned to them is instead of asking yourself the question on, oh, I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. And let that fear create even bigger fears in your mind. Sit down with that fear and write it in the piece of paper. So this is what I want you to do as well, Nathalie, right? Post our call, I want you to write down, what is the fear? The fear might be that just in one person's salary, the family can't run. Right? That could be a fear. The fear could be that there's everything that you're gonna try is not gonna work out.
Ajit Nawalkha (20:27):
Right. You'll not be able to get the clients in the timeline that you're suggesting that you get. The fear could be that you will get clients for the first year, but the second year is gonna be hard. Right. Could be many of those. I'm not saying which one it is because I don't know. Right. And it could be all of those too. And that's right too. But now that we know all of these fears, now we can make a plan around each of these fears. Let's say, for example, the salary of one person is not enough to sustain the family. That's the fear. The plan is, I know I'm doing this whole sucking job, not as excited doing this energetically, but if I get X number of clients over Y number of months, we don't have one salary. I will only quit my job when I make enough.
Ajit Nawalkha (21:09):
That is same as my salary. Right. And I can make a plan to get to that number. Right. Now, Nathalie, doesn't have to feel exhausted at the job because she knows she's doing the job only for those many months. Your partner doesn't have to feel threatened because you're not gonna leave the job until you actually make that kind of money back. And nothing in that fear really comes in the way. Right. So we tackle fear number two, or fear number one. Now let's get to fear. Number two, fear. Number two could be, oh, I won't get clients. Well, let's make a plan for it. What is the plan that will help me create an ecosystem that will help me get clients? Well, that mean that I will try three different ideas. Yes. Will that mean two out of those three won't work? Probably. Yes. It'll mean one will work and it might take three months before I have a plan that works consistently for me to get clients great. Now I know my runway now I know my plan. I don't have to be scared of the idea that I won't get at clients. I simply have to work with the plan to get to a point where I can consistently create clients.
Ajit Nawalkha (22:26):
Do you see how this works?
Nathalie (Coachee) (22:17):
Yep. Yep. I understand.
Ajit Nawalkha (22:18):
You fear once you know it clearly as to what is it that you really are scared of? Because that's the part that is the hard part. A lot of us will pick the first fear that comes to our mind, but our fears run much deeper than that. Right? So it's an exploration, it's an exploration and a taught in self coaching, right. Where you have to explore and go, okay, what is really that I'm scared of? Am I scared of money? Am I scared of not making money? Am I scared of being recognized? Am I fearful of not having, am I fearful of something else? I'm not being good enough as a coach? I don't know what it is. But each of these fears can be tackled with a plan and the clearer, the plan, the less fearful that thing will look. The less scary that particular situation's gonna look. And once it doesn't look scary, now you don't have to operate from a place of fear. Now you can operate from a place of plan, right? Place of certainty. And when you have certainty, fears tend to go away, right?
Nathalie (Coachee) (23:19):
Ajit Nawalkha (23:21):
How is that sitting with you?
Nathalie (Coachee) (23:21):
No, no, it, it does. I, I, what I realize is I need to dig deeper because I've been thinking about those years and everything, but I know it's not the money client thing I've planned. I've been working on that and, and still there is something else. Yes. So I need to explore. I think that's definitely, yeah. I need to go deeper. There, there is something else.
Ajit Nawalkha (23:45):
Something comes to you during our conversation, do bring it up. Let's see if we can make a plan around that fear because I'm of course may not have spotted it because like, like we said, it's a deeper, more inner work to really diagnose and find out here is something that I'm curious to explore as well. At one point you said, and it was, is one of the things that drew us to the idea of fear is that your concerned that your parents may not accept this career choice, do you think there may be an element of, and I'm curious to hear what you think is why that concern really comes for you, right. Is the concern there, because you think your parents don't understand the work that you're going to do. And so hence your concern that they wanna understand, hence not accept it. Or you think that they will have that concern because they always have a concern around things that Nathalie does.
Nathalie (Coachee) (24:42):
Yeah. That's very interesting question because I feel it it's more because they don't really understand what I do during my corporate either. So I think right now they, they see, you know, I have a good situation and everything is okay. And I'm afraid yet they would be worried all the time. Yes. Yeah. Yes. It's it's why,
Ajit Nawalkha (25:02):
Why would they be worried if they're not worried right now?
Nathalie (Coachee) (25:05):
Because, because, because don't, there is yeah, exactly. They don't understand. And also they are entrepreneurs themselves, but it's a very different generation. They do different things and they have a mindset actually that I don't necessarily have around entrepreneurship. And because I had that business 20 years ago that, you know, I did that for five years. It never really went anywhere. And I think might, they will probably think that that's crazy because that will never work. And yeah, you might have clients here, but, but it's because they don't know that industry, they don't know, you know, that, um, how things work. And, but because for me as well, it's new. I think I borrowed spheres in a way, you know, I'm, I'm also in that fair, but I don't want to have to convince them all the time that, you know, it's all good. That's why actually I didn't say anything so far. I wanted to be at peace to do things in my own pace, my own way, without hearing, you know, the voices of, ah, that's crazy. That's not gonna work da, da. And that's why I said that to very few people, because I say my parents, but it's my environment in general, you know, I don't want to hear things. I, I want to do it my own way. And even if it takes me 10 years, I don't care. I want to do it my way. Yeah.
Ajit Nawalkha (26:21):
It's interesting that there many different kind of boxes that you opened as you were sharing this, that I would be curious to explore again, the interest time. We'll probably not be able to explore all of them, maybe one of them, but it's very interesting certain things that you said, you talked about how your parents are entrepreneurs, but there was a business you started many years ago, which was different business altogether did it for five years and you believe it didn't go anywhere, which is all debatable. Right? It's all debatable because it depends on what you mean by going anywhere, what you mean by timelines and how we understand timelines and so forth. Like you mentioned, the parents were entrepreneurs, but will not understand your entrepreneurial venture. That sounds also very interesting as an exploration to have. And it is also very interesting to explore the, the idea, which I think I want to explore is to say, I wouldn't even share it with anybody else. Not just my parents is not just about my parents, which that has less and less to do with the world around you, more and more to do with what you want from the world around you. Right. What would be the most appropriate response according to you?
Nathalie (Coachee) (27:36):
Ajit Nawalkha (27:36):
That the world should give. When you announce that you are a coach?
Nathalie (Coachee) (27:42):
Uh. That's um, enthusiasm and wow. That that's great. You've gotta make an impact. That's great. I guess. Yeah.
Ajit Nawalkha (27:51):
If your child, um, how old is your, your, your kid?
Nathalie (Coachee) (27:56):
Five years old,
Ajit Nawalkha (27:57):
Five years old, right? He was five years old and he said, mama, I'm gonna cross the road by myself. How enthusiastic would you be?
Nathalie (Coachee) (28:05):
It depends on the road.
Ajit Nawalkha (28:10):
You'll be scared.
Nathalie (Coachee) (28:12):
Ajit Nawalkha (28:12):
You'll be scared. At the same point of time, if you felt confident in his capabilities, you'll be like, okay, you can walk one step ahead of me. I'll be walking right behind you to support your journey or something to that too. Right. You may or may not do that. I'm not saying it's a parenting practice or not, but as parents, you always wanna encourage your kids. Right. So you'll probably in some version, encourage it, but you won't be enthusiastic about it. You won't be pumped. Cause you'll be scared. Right? That's your primary motion because you're somebody who cares about the person that is about to do something that from far away looks really dangerous and scary.
Nathalie (Coachee) (28:47):
Yeah. It's true.
Ajit Nawalkha (28:49):
When your friends see you do something dangerous and scary. When your parents see you do something dangerous and scary, do you think naturally their instinct will be enthusiastic about it or I'm scared about it
Nathalie (Coachee) (29:03):
Based on what you just said, which makes a lot of, of said they would be scared
Ajit Nawalkha (29:07):
They'll be scared because they'll be like, I don't understand what you're doing. I don't know why you're doing something that is safe and comfortable to something that does not look safe and comfortable. I am scared for you. I am concerned about you. I don't think you should do it. That's not a response of somebody who is indifferent to you. That's actually a, somebody who is in love with you in one way or another, right? Friendly, love or parent to love. But they love you is why they are scared for you. Right? So they are not holding you back. When they show their concern, they are just expressing the best way a person can express love. When they see someone that they love doing something that is a little bit out of ordinary. Right? So while I understand why you want the world to be enthusiastic about it while I understand that, yes, you want the world to lift you up.
Ajit Nawalkha (29:58):
The easiest group of people will be able to be enthusiastic about it and lift you up are the people that are much further removed from you than you imagine. I will be enthusiastic about you starting the business. I love you, but it's nowhere close to how much your parents love you. It's nowhere close to the understanding that I have of you. Your reality. I have some understanding of it, but I no way have the same understanding and same attachment that your parents or your best friends have. It's harder for people that love us to support us when we are about to do something. That's a little bit scary. It's possible. Yeah. But it's hard. It's difficult. So when they don't, we don't have, have to think, oh, they don't support us. That simply means that they care.
Ajit Nawalkha (30:46):
The reason why I'm sharing this with you, and I wanna bring this to your attention and the way you want to think about it is because more often than not, people will not meet the expectations that we have of them more often than not. And then that's not because they're not good people. It's not, as they're not trying, it's mostly because there's more often than not. We won't understand the point of view they're operating from. Mm. Because it's their point of view. It's not ours. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Right. So what if we were to change our thinking hat and instead of expecting everybody to be very enthusi, think about our journey. We simply wanted to be open to listening about our journey. What if our parents, your parents, you had a dialogue where you said, Hey, listen, all I want you to do is to understand that I want to do this.
Ajit Nawalkha (31:38):
And that's it. Yeah. I don't expect you to be excited. I don't want you to jump on your two feet. I don't want you to, you know, an answer to the world. I just want you to see if you can support me. If you can walk this path with me, like my parents, like you can give me a finger if I'm walking through, because you have held had businesses before. Maybe you'll tell me something about finances. I don't know. Hmm. I don't know. You don't have the same business that I I have, but maybe that will be a hand holding I might ask for. And at that time, I just want you to be open to say, Hey, yeah, sure. I will sit down and I'll share with you how I looked at money, how I looked at enrollment or whatever that might be, and same could be our friends role.
Ajit Nawalkha (32:18):
They don't have to be our biggest cheerleaders when they're scared. They can pretend to be those cheerleaders. But sometimes it's hard to do that because they are scared because they love us. Not for any other reason. Right. And once in a while, you'll find a friend, you'll find a parent, a colleague, uh, somebody who will love you deeply and meaningfully, and still be able to get past their own fear and say, you know what? I'm gonna support you. I'm gonna be the full cheerleader. That's not, that's not easy to come by. That's harder. Yeah. Cause they have to get over their own fears and you see how difficult it was to get over our own fears. Yes. They have to take that path. It's not easy. Right. So yeah, it's not. So my invitation for you, you is to challenge your narrative on expectations that you might have from people around you. So you can suspend those expectations and have the expectations that you wanna have just with yourself. And what is it that Nathalie needs to believe? What is it that you need to plan? So you don't have the fears that you current have and are holding you back. So you can map your future. You can create your future based on, and from a place of certainty, from a place of confidence, from a place of knowingness, that it will all work out eventually given time, given resources, given resourceful.
Nathalie (Coachee) (33:38):
Ajit Nawalkha (33:38):
Nathalie, what seems to be something that you will like to still explore some like maybe an open tab that you feel like if we could go a little bit in that direction, that would be really helpful for me for the next coming months.
Nathalie (Coachee) (33:50):
I, I think, I mean just what, what you just said. I mean, what I feel is, uh, it lifted the sort of weights because I'm like, okay, so actually I don't really, you have to worry about others. I mean, yeah. I just have to just walk my path and now I think I understand better. Yes. The reactions also why I kept people at the distance not to talk about it, but it feels, I, yeah. I mean, that's something I never really it's, it's something I, I will yeah. Process and, and think about. Cause yeah, I was also, I, I, I think I care a lot about the people around me and, and um, I sometimes put too much as well, uh, to making sure that people are comfortable and feel good and everything. And uh, actually it opens another door for me of uh, okay. Actually that I don't have really to worry about that. It's normal. It's normal and it's to be expected. And for me it's um, yeah. I really feel something lifted here. Yes. Yes. It's um,
Ajit Nawalkha (34:48):
Nathalie (Coachee) (34:49):
Yeah. I feel relieved a bit. Yeah.
Ajit Nawalkha (34:51):
Thank you so much, Nathalie. I invite you to take this time. Like whatever time you can either today or tomorrow and go in nature and really reflect on some of these questions that out we opened up because these questions might reveal further fears that you might have. It may create plans that will bypass those fears. You'll be able to interact with the world a little bit different without taking the weight of their expectations in your own life. And that would help you take those next few steps really towards the dream that you have for yourself off and know that. And this is something that I wanna leave you with is that like the career that you currently have, the coaching career will also take some time. It's a new career. You're establishing it's new task. It's more adventurous and in alignment with who you wanna be and you are as a person, but still it requires the work that it requires.
Ajit Nawalkha (35:44):
And so don't try to rush it. There's, there's nothing that will change tomorrow. This is not a short term career. You could be doing this for the rest of your life. And so if it takes a few extra months, it takes a few months. What's the big deal. If it takes a few extra weeks, it takes a few extra weeks. Even if it takes a few extra years, it takes a few extra years. You have a lot of life to live and a lot to give, give yourself the space to nurture this unique capability that you have, give yourself time to nurture the relationships around so they can continue to be in this journey with you, give yourself the time to nurture your business. So when you sew the seed and as you saw the seed, you can really see the seed blossom and the tree grow and the fruits that it bears beautifully and an unloving way. Okay. And with that...
Nathalie (Coachee) (36:34):
That was beautiful.
Ajit Nawalkha (36:35):
Thank you. And I'm gonna on that note, let you go. Thank you so much for taking the time. And I really enjoyed this conversation.
Nathalie (Coachee) (36:41):
Oh, thank you so much, Ajit. That was very helpful. Thank you so much.
Ajit Nawalkha (36:45):
What was it that was the big takeaway that you had from this coaching conversation? What was it that really clicked? Share with us on social media, go to Instagram, share what was exciting about this podcast episode as you listen into it. And tag us at Evercoach.Mindvalley or tag me personally at OfficiallyAjit, I'm looking forward to hearing what really landed for you. Thank you so much for tuning in. This is Coach Ajit and you're listening this on Master Coaching with Ajit Podcast.
November 28, 2023Listen Now