62. Coaching Techniques To Regulate Your Emotions - Evercoach - By Mindvalley

February 8, 2022

62. Coaching Techniques To Regulate Your Emotions

How do you navigate negative emotions, especially when dealing with a challenging relationship with a loved one? Emotions show up as a compass to guide us through life, but they can sometimes be hard to manage and affect our everyday life and...

How do you navigate negative emotions, especially when dealing with a challenging relationship with a loved one? Emotions show up as a compass to guide us through life, but they can sometimes be hard to manage and affect our everyday life and relationships.

In today’s episode, Coach Ajit takes us behind the scenes in a live coaching session with Cindy Wallace. Cindy is struggling to cope with anger from past trauma and a challenging relationship with her grandchild. Listen in on this coaching conversation as Coach Ajit helps Cindy understand what emotions are showing up for her, why they show up, and shares some effective coaching techniques to help her regulate those negative emotions on a day-to-day basis.

If you or your clients are finding it hard to navigate negative emotions, this episode offers the insights and tools to overcome that challenge.

Key Insights:

  • Why negative emotions show up and how they show up in our lives.
  • How emotions impact our relationships.
  • 2 coaching techniques to regulate your emotions.
  • How to find compassion and empathy in challenging relationships.
  • How to manage your energy levels on a daily basis.

Coach Ajit (00:00):
You are listening to Master Coaching with Ajit podcast that inspires coaches to impact the lives of their clients more meaningfully. I am Coach Ajit and I'm known for coaching high performers, entrepreneurs, and leaders. I'm also a serial entrepreneur and author of many books. On this podcast, I am answering your burning questions. I'm also demonstrating and deconstructing behind the scenes coaching sessions.

Coach Ajit (00:35):
And in today's episode, I'm taking you behind the scenes of a live coaching session. I'm talking to Cindy Wallace. Cindy has had an incredible life, and she has had some pretty intense experiences in her life. One of the experiences that she's currently struggling with is a relationship with her grandchild. She's finding herself to be more angry, more frustrated, more challenged in that relationship. In this coaching conversation, I'm guiding her through different reasons why these emotions might be coming up and also some tools and techniques to navigate these emotions. If you are a coach that is looking to regulate your own emotions, or if you have clients that have had pretty intense experiences and you wanna help them regulate their emotions in the moment, this episode is for you. If you haven't yet subscribed to this podcast, I really invite you to take this opportunity. Take this extra second to go ahead and hit the subscribe button for Master Coaching with Ajit podcast. And now without further ado, let me take you behind the scenes on this coaching conversation.

Cindy Wallace (01:39):
Hey, how are you?

Coach Ajit (01:39):
I'm good. How are you, Cindy?

Cindy Wallace (01:42):
I'm good.

Coach Ajit (01:43):
How's your, how's your day been?

Cindy Wallace (01:45):
Uh, interesting.

Coach Ajit (01:46)
Interesting. Where you at?

Cindy Wallace (01:48):
I'm in Vancouver. Nice on the west coast of, yeah,

Coach Ajit (01:51):
It's getting cool down there. Isn't it up there. I mean,

Cindy Wallace (01:55):
Um, it was, but now we're getting the new technological term of, I can't remember what it is. Something rain, the old pineapple express.

Coach Ajit (02:05):

Cindy Wallace (02:06):
(unidentified) of the monsoons.

Coach Ajit (02:09):
Okay. Okay. And, uh, how's your rest of the day looking because this is like middle of the day for you right now. Isn't it?

Cindy Wallace (02:16):
It's 11:30. Yeah. I'm just taking a break from work and having a chat with you.

Coach Ajit (02:21):
What's what's the kind of work that you're focused on these days?

Cindy Wallace (02:24):
Um, I'm I do general insurance.

Coach Ajit (02:27):

Cindy Wallace (02:28):
I get yelled at a lot. Well..

Coach Ajit (02:30):
My God..

Cindy Wallace (02:34):
Cause they, well, the industry's changing, right? Because of all the disasters and catastrophic events, they gotta pay for it. So, and an insurance company can't offer insurance unless they have the monies in the bank to pay out on claims. Mm. So we're in, what's called a hard market. So interest rates are down people's portfolios are down from the stock market, so claims are up. So yeah.

Coach Ajit (03:03):
Season of life

Cindy Wallace (03:05):

Coach Ajit (03:05):
Season live season of the market season of financial structures that we currently live in and in future we'll live in, in different ways, but season will always be there. Right.

Cindy Wallace (03:15):
That's true. But we're, we're getting ready that you two exit stage left.

Coach Ajit (03:20):
That's great. You have a beautiful smile, Cindy. I'm glad to be with you today

Cindy Wallace (03:26):
Thank you. Thank you for taking the time to have a chat with me

Coach Ajit (03:31):
Absolutely. Absolutely. So of course, you, you already know we are recording this for a podcast. Uh, the best way that I've found for both of us to make the most of our time together is to set, uh, kind of a outcome in a way to kind of say, okay, this is kind of would be a good thing to achieve by the end of it or direction of travel. This would be a good direction of travel. However we wanna say it, but basically something that we can, um, kind of put a pin on and say, Hey, after 45 minutes, if you're here, that would be a really worthy conversation for you. It would be worth your time. It'll be great, uh, coaching for you and something that you would benefit from. Okay. So if I was to put that as context and set us up that way, what do you think would be a great user for time? What, what would you like to achieve today? I've of course read your email, but I wanna give it to you to really decide as to what is it that you wanna focus on today,

Cindy Wallace (04:24):
I guess, to come up with new tools to circumvent the anger that's from the trauma that I went through and Aiden went through who, who now is, well, you know, it's your fault, Papa says, and I'm like, okay, whatever. You know, you have your relationship with him and this is us. And so it's just, I just I've shifted and changed in the last year a lot. Like people have really noticed a change, I guess, because of the Christmas season and stuff. Like I felt this anger, swelling again, and I'm not really, I'm my true nature is not an angry person. I'm pretty light happy go lucky. I look at the glass half full. I try to look at the best of everything, but I'm finding that this situation, even though it's been four years now, it's still sort of sometimes bubbles in there and you just wanna, and, and, and I know that I'm a type, the type of person I need to exercise get out and be physical and I feel better, but here what's happening in DC is they shut all the gyms down again. They're, it's just, the casinos can stay open, but the gyms are closed, go figure. So I guess I'm looking for some tools and help with how I can deal with this, I guess, with, because I can't access the physical activity

Coach Ajit (05:52):
So Sydney, just for the sake of our conversation and setting the right context, of course I have your email, but just to make sure that I understand fully the place we are coming from, the anger, the, the place that the anger sits, uh, from what I understood is this situation in your life that happened where you were in a abusive relationship and correct me if I say this wrong. Okay. So just feel comfortable, really explaining the situation the way you think is best described, but you were in a abusive relationship. You finally took charge of that relationship and called on the required authorities, uh, to, to kind of part ways, but you have a child in that relationship or had a child from that relationship. And now as the child has grown older, they're reflecting back and also still leaning into the, the partner and that is creating some kind of, uh, an anger. Would that be a loosely correct? Understanding of where this is?

Cindy Wallace (06:47):
I think so. Yeah. It's, it's like it's hurt and anger kind of like it's a, I'm not really understanding it

Coach Ajit (06:57):
So Cindy, tell me a little bit, uh, from the point of view of if I was to get you to reflect on and the, the thing that I wanna do first, before we get into the tools is to really reflect, understand where does this sit? What is it that is really causing the anger, right? So if you can understand that practices and tools can be a lot more helpful, because if you're aware of exactly where can we point, or if not exactly, at least loosely point in the direction that is creating that challenge, then it makes it easier for us to then resolve it, right. That sense of clarity, that sense of awareness is helpful. So if I was to ask you just to discover a little bit more, I understand the overall situation, but where does the anger really sit actually, without me suggesting, where do you think anger really sits? Is it, uh, in the situation? Is it in the person? Is it in yourself? Is it in something else

Cindy Wallace (07:50):
It's within me? Like, I feel the anger in, in the pit of my stomach. Mm.

Coach Ajit (07:54):
Tell me more.

Cindy Wallace (07:56):
Um, well, I, I know it's about my own stuff too. Um, when I was a kid, I went through, I saw my father abuse, my mother and I got in the middle and, ergo, I got it too. So, um, and then there was that sense of abandonment when my parents split. Um, so I know that's part of it and that stuff comes up a bit, but it's also, um, I guess it's the lack of acknowledgement from other people's in the family unit that, you know, deny what happened and it's okay. It's like, well, it was my ex's grandson that we raised, his parents were drug addicts, the boys' parents were drug addicts. So we took him on, um, his biological father's clean and sober. Now he's, he's got transitioned to his biological father because of this situation. And they're like, you know, well, he's my dad.

Cindy Wallace (08:53):
And, and that happened. And I'm like, yeah, but it's history repeating itself. And then it's like, Aiden's now like, you know, well, you know, the police came, they arrested him, it's your fault. And, and that we, the family broke up and I'm like, no. So I guess it's, it's that stuff. I, I know I can't control it, but it's like, it's, it's just the denial and the it's just the total disconnect that it didn't happen.And any time I bring it up, I'm the bad person. So, yeah. So that's where the anger comes from. I guess. Cindy, as you're reflecting the, the two, two parts that you said to that we, what we were just discussing first was there has been a situation in past where between your parents, it was a similar story. It was abusive relationship that you were a part you were part of because you were part of that, you know, the family. Yeah. And secondly, it tend to have repeated itself a few years later in your own life. Now, if I was to ask you to reflect on or inquiry wise, if you were to lean into the inquiry of what is it that, that you really feel about your past relationship, like the abusive relationship that you had, the, the, the reason for this discovery is what we are really trying to figure out is we are trying to figure out the root of, of where it may stem from conceptually.

Coach Ajit (10:19):
What I, I am hoping for us to discover or understand is what role is our expectations playing in this or is the role that our past stories might be paying in this, what may be a role that our behaviors might be playing in this, and what is the emotional resolve that we really need. Right. So, so I'm hoping that we'll discover some or all of it today, so let's explore firstly, the story around it. Right. So story story, I mean, what has been, what has created your past, because a lot of times what happens is we, we carry our past in our present. Right. And, and rightly so, because that is sometimes the learning that, that we have, uh, captured from the past, but sometimes we carry behaviors of the past as well. So I wanna explore a little bit more about how was this, uh, relationship that you were in, uh, that was not healthy of course, clearly. And how could that have impacted the, the person that you so love now? Aidan, I think is what you said was,

Cindy Wallace (11:17):
Yeah. Um, I think I'm a very giving person and I was like a people pleaser now I'm kind of shifted, but I was very giving, like, I would give you the shirt off my back before I would do something for myself. Like that's who I was. And I still am to a point I gave of everything, like I gave emotionally, financially. Um, and then I was kind of left on the street with the two dogs so I ended up with nothing, my savings were gone, everything. So, um, I thank God for a friend that I've known since my twenties who took me in, but I think that's the underlying issue. It's like I gate and I basically got, um, tossed, tossed the curb basically, and left to your own devices. And to me that's just so wrong, but in other people it's okay. That's had their behaviors and how they treat people. And I understand that. And, and, um, I've done a lot of work to move past that, but it was just when, um, you're still being blamed and there's no, um, confirmation of yeah, that did happen. Um, it's like, it didn't, you know what I'm saying? Like there's no, um, not reinforcement, but you know, the word I'm looking for anyway, you

Cindy Wallace (12:59):
Yeah. Hear you. Um, yeah. So it's just, you wonder your, you, you know, I raised this little boy, like my own, um, love him dearly. Um, and it's like, you're at a point, like, you know, what was that, what was that blip in my life that just happened? And it's like, I have moved on. Um, I can see people's personalities similar to that now. Like I see red flags and I run whether it's at work, um, through friends, whatever. Um, so, but yes, so it's just, um, it's coming up with ways to understand it when it flares up and, um, not let it affect me to the point where I get angry. That's kind it a nutshell.

Coach Ajit (14:04):
I, I see you, Cindy, Cindy, what tends to happen with us as people is there are certain patterns that we always follow, right? There's, there's inherent natures of our, that we have developed because of our past programming, our childhood, our, our realities in the past, and often those past programming or that past storytelling or past behaviors that we have embodied and taken on are hard to lose. And they are unconsciously in our minds and unconsciously in our being one of the patterns that you share, which is people pleasing or taking care of somebody more than, than you need to, or have to, what it has is every single time you do more and more of that, it's not only unhealthy for you in the moment. What it also tends to do is the person that you're trying to people please gets a hold on.

Coach Ajit (14:53):
Unconsciously. There is not a conscious transaction. They're not trying to get a hold on you, but because you are so interested and so bent over to support, somebody help somebody please, somebody, it, it unconsciously, unconsciously, you become not dependent, but you are always willing to get their acceptance. You want them to love you, accept you for, for, and you would do things that otherwise wouldn't make sense if you took out that relationship. Right? So what because of that happens is sometimes our emotions, not sometimes all the, all the time, our emotions are, are compasses, right? They are. They're really just telling us what's not working out in a way, or what's working out depending on what emotions showing up, right? If anger shows up, it's a compass of frustration, it's a compass of not being fulfilled, a particular expectation that you have somewhere or some relationship, right?

Coach Ajit (15:49):
And the relationship that you and a didn't have, if you've demonstrated the tendency that you showed in the past, which is where you did much beyond what, uh, a mother or a grandmother would have been expected to do for a person. Because the kind of person that you are, you may have had two things that might have happened. First is Aiden unconsciously have a hold on you, right? Because you, you want his acceptance. You want his love. You want him to approve of what you did and what you are doing right now. And secondly, there may be a certain expectation that you have unconsciously built in that relationship. Right now, either of those scenarios, when you don't fulfill an expectation of yourself or somebody doesn't fulfill an expectation of yourself, you get frustration, sad, angry, all these emotions show up depending on what the relationship is, right?

Coach Ajit (16:40):
So it may be a big possibility that you have an unconscious expectation of Aiden as a person, as your child, as your grandchild. And because of that, you are now feeling the burn every single time, he doesn't meet that expectation. That expectation might be simply, he will, of course, understand me and support me and understand my point of view. Let's say that's old expectations. It's not even wanting something more than that. Wow. Because the person's not meeting your expectation, you're getting angrier and frustrated and, and, you know, unhappy with that relationship at the same point in time, it is a possibility that because Aiden unconsciously controls you, without wanting to do that, right, because of your nature of people pleasing, or your nature of giving, even when Aiden's not trying, you are seeing the pain or you're experiencing the, the pain, because your, one of your key drivers, which is people pleasing, or having people love and accept you is not getting fulfilled. Right. So you are having a double whammy in a way, right? You are, you're not meeting your own expectation and Aiden's also not meeting your expectation. Do you feel what I just shared may set a little bit different context to what you may be experiencing right now?

Cindy Wallace (17:57):
Yeah, no, there is an expectation. Yeah.

Coach Ajit (18:00):
Is that, is that true? Did I land correctly here?

Cindy Wallace (18:03):
Oh yeah, yeah.

Coach Ajit (18:03):
Oh, okay, cool. I wrote, is there an expectation of yourself or is this the expectation more from Aiden or both are true?

Cindy Wallace (18:10):
Um, I think both,

Cindy Wallace (18:14):
Um, because I expected him to understand what happened because he was also hurt physically in the process, but that's not the case. So in his little world, he has his reality. And then I have my reality. So like I have explained to him, like, you have your relationship with your Papa and, and you know what happened. And I can't have a relationship with people that treat people that way and you and I have our relationship. So, um, and maybe his expectation also isn't being met and he's acting out because this, his little world came tumbling down.

Coach Ajit (19:02):
So I'm gonna work on two techniques with you, just in the interest of giving you something that you can use. So the first thing that I wanna share with you is, is, is dissociation of the, of the particular event, uh, from the point of view, not, not dissociation, but more so stepping out of the view of what's happening and really seeing what's happening. Here's what I mean. You see, we look at our lives from our point of view, because that's the only point of view we have on default, right? I look at something that's what's happening, right? It's rejecting my truth on the situation itself. Most of the times, it's very far off from the actual situation of what's happening, right? So if we step away from our situation for a minute and you can do this exercise. Say an event that occurs between you and Aiden, and there's a dialogue exchange that happens.

Coach Ajit (18:03):
Oh, okay, cool. I wrote, is there an expectation of yourself or is this the expectation more from Aiden or both are true?

Coach Ajit (19:53):
Or there's a behavior exchange that is there. If you say, after the, after matter of fact, once it has happened, you step away from it and you say, let's watch it like a movie as if I was in a movie theater. And this was just happening in front of me, right? When you are watching a movie theater in front of you, you can see both sides a lot more clearly, right? Because you're not attached to either of the characters. They're just characters being played by great actors, right? So you will, of course be able to see Cindy's point of view, right? You'll be able to say, okay, this is why Cindy is saying what she's saying. She's seen what has happened in the past. She knows this is a repeating pattern. The person hasn't really healed themselves. This is going to end up bad.

Coach Ajit (20:30):
And so Cindy is being a protective person that she must be because she loves Aiden. But what will happen is you'll start to see how Aiden sees that picture. Right. And a lot of times, and I don't know how old Aiden is, but if he's a teenager, if he he's a teenager, so if you would be able to, and I'm, I probably, it's easy for me in this moment to step away, but I'm sure it'll be easy for you once you start watching it like a movie, because you are, you are understanding person and you can lean into other people's experiences. And as you lean, and then you'll go, if I was Aiden's age, if you were Aiden's age and you were, you know, just growing up with grandma, right. And that's all you had for say past four or five years.

Coach Ajit (21:14):
And finally, you had a chance to have a father figure back in your life. And it's not only a father figure. He's actually your father, right. So it's not just somebody that is, and Aiden's a, is a boy, right? So he's, he's looking for a male figure, right? Yeah. And this is the first male figure that he had ever interacted with. And finally has a chance, again, to interact with this father figure. If you look at it from that point of view, suddenly you understand why he would not even care if this relationship was still abusive. Because he's not, he's seeing love and that abuse, right. He may not even recognize that that is abuse that he's experiencing. So what it does is it builds an understanding that otherwise it's hard to have in that moment because we start to project from our point of view and then comes frustration and anger.

Coach Ajit (22:10):
But once we look at it from their point of view, once we watch this, like a movie now comes, compassion now comes empathy, because now you go, I see why you're doing it. I still think it is wrong. I'm not saying that. Sure. Do whatever you wanna do. That's not what empathy is. Uh, what you are saying simply is I can understand the experience that you may be seeking, even when you know, it's not good for you. Right? Right. So it builds, it takes you from hopefully anger and frustration and feeling like you're not doing good enough as a person, or they're not living up to your expectation to saying, I understand you. I hear you. I empathize with you. I, I, I can relate to you to some degree, even if not completely, because it's hard to relate when you are, you have so many emotions fighting at the same time.

Coach Ajit (22:57):
But what you're really trying to do is we are trying to shift the emotion of anger and frustration to the emotion of empathy and compassion. Right? Right. Because when we are empathetic and compassionate for the person that we are dealing with, it's easier to have a conversation. Because it never bottles up to an emotion of, um, frustration and anger, which is not a good place to talk for him because the person's like, you're just angry. I don't wanna talk to you versus if you're empathetic, it's a very different conversation that happens because now you're trying to build an understanding on what is better for them. What is better for you? What is better for your relationship? And it's an easier dialogue to have. Do you think that could be something Cindy, that you can explore? Yeah. As a technique. Okay. So that would be something that even if you have a blow up between you and Aiden, I would ask you to do it as a reflective exercise.

Coach Ajit (23:48):
What will happen in over time. Once you've done it, four or five or six times, um, after certain events, certain experiences you'll find that you'll naturally tend to lean into it. You won't have to step away after, while you will be in the experience, you'll be able to empathize because now you have looked at that event in multiple ways, right? Try to build that, understanding you see one of the key things. And one of the key things to change is that we think we can change somebody that's actually not possible. Right? Yeah. Know that part. We can't do anything to change. Aiden's point of view, what we can do is we can walk with them. And you, when you walk with someone, what tends to happen is because you're not trying to change them. You're not trying to fight their experience.

Coach Ajit (24:36):
You're trying to just go through their experience with them, just like a supporter. It's easier for them to communicate with you when the experience is getting intense or experience is getting uncomfortable or experience needs to needs a dialogue. It's easier for them to seek and it's easier for them to listen versus when we try to change them. And that's the common thing that happens in family. We try to change our family members because we love them so much. I get it. Right. But the challenge is when we try to change them, the first response we get from them is who are you to tell me? Yeah, that's true. The family, family, family has baggage.

Cindy Wallace (25:11):
It does. Like, I've always tried to come from the place where it's like, I love you and accept you for who you are, no matter what that looks like. Right. But then certain things come up and it's like, you just, where's this coming from?

Coach Ajit (25:24):

Cindy Wallace (25:27):
That's, that's always, that's. That's like how I try to have a relationship with everyone. Right. And before that, before this past year, that wasn't the way I thought. So I've really shifted and, and changed. You're never too old to change.

Coach Ajit (25:42):
Never, never, my second suggestion of technique for you is you are so on point, when you say, um, if I could just go to the gym, I could release the tension and the energy that is probably stuck because of anger and frustration, which is a beautiful way. And it's unfortunate that Vancouver is, uh, is shutting down gyms again. Um, my invitation would be is if there is something that you can do at home, could it be that you could sign up for an online yoga school and do a little bit of yoga because yoga does have calming energy. Now I'm not saying it works for everybody. Like for example, yoga doesn't work for me. I have to do strength training. I have to pick a weights, right. For me to release my energy.

Cindy Wallace (26:23):
The only kind of yoga that works for me is Kundalini. And my roommates don't like the chanting.

Coach Ajit (26:30):
But you could use headphones.

Cindy Wallace (26:33):
Oh, that's true.

Coach Ajit (26:34):
Yeah. You could use headphones and you could do it in your room and, and you could do it at times when, if there is at least some availability of people to travel, I have no idea what is available and thank you and what is not. But if there is like, okay, there's a time when everybody else is out. That's when Cindy does her her thing, because she needs to organize her energy levels in a particular way. So she can, you know, uh, really organize her mind as a consequence of managing her, her body. Uh, and that's what, uh, would be another way of doing it. So it could be yoga. Yeah. It could be simple things. Again, it it's, it's more about moving the energy. It can be dance. It can be weight lifting. It could be just getting some dumbbells and just picking it up for, for a little bit, doing some squats, anything that moves your body moves the energy in the body.

Coach Ajit (27:23):
And that allows for that anger and frustration to kind of leave the body, right? So it's, it's a very somatic model of releasing emotional energy that might be stuck or might be concentrated on the body part another way to do it, which is not as it is still somatic, but doesn't require you to actually work out or do physical activity is to try and see if you have a good association with your body. Every time an emotion comes up, you will be able to spot where in your body you experience that emotion. Do you feel you have that, uh, chance in your body where you can actually experience where that emotion sits in your body?

Cindy Wallace (27:59):
Yep. It's usually in the pit of my, in my belly.

Coach Ajit (28:04):
Fantastic. So you are really well connected to your body. Not everybody can feel that sometimes people are so dissociated from their bodies. They can't actually figure out where the emotion is. But if you know where your emotion is, there's a greater possibility for you to concentrate your meditation on it and work on releasing it. There are many, many different, uh, models of releasing emotional tension in your body. The one that I prefer is to focus our attention towards, put your hand on it, and then pass energy through your entire body. Focusing on this particular area, pass white light through your entire body, focusing on that particular area, whatever that is, that this emotion is stuck. And it tends to over 10 to 20 minutes release that emotion sometimes faster, depends on the person, actually, no one to give timelines to this, but it really depends on the person. So that would be another way that you can do that. Again is not intrusive to people that may be sharing space with you.

Cindy Wallace (28:55):

Coach Ajit (28:56):
Do, do you feel any on all of these could work for you as techniques?

Cindy Wallace (29:01):
Yep. I'm gonna give them all a try.

Coach Ajit (29:03):
Cool. What else? As I'm sharing all of this, as I am discussing this with you, what comes up for you? What do you think could be a hurdle going forward from here?

Cindy Wallace (29:14):
I think, when you say hurdle..?

Coach Ajit (29:16):
Or a challenge or something that you feel like, ah, this is not gonna work.

Cindy Wallace (29:20):
Um, I try not to think that way.

Coach Ajit (29:23):

Cindy Wallace (29:25):
I think that the hardest thing will be doing the disassociation, like stepping back and that's gonna be the hardest, that'll be the, the, the big challenge. Um, cuz I've, I've worked on that in the past and then I find this stuff still comes, comes up. Right? So like stepping back and looking at it like a movie probably, um, is a better way to do it cuz I would just go, well, that's the way he feels. This is the way I feel and I'd step back. But um, looking at it from a different lens, I think will, um, be very helpful. But like I said, it'll be, it'll be the more challenging, but I will be working on

Coach Ajit (30:07):
So let me give you two things. Firstly, the trick in that dissociative technique is to not only look at that movie screen, but to actually put yourself in shoes, Aiden, right? So that's the trick. That's where empathy is gonna start rolling in and it'll become easier for you to do it. And secondly is, and this is a big piece for not just emotions for pretty much anything in life. Um, and I feel like you have intuitively understood it, but I just wanna say it out aloud just to make sure that it's reflected back to you is acceptance of the journey there is, there is going to be days that are gonna be hard days. There are gonna be days that are gonna be easy days. There are gonna be seasons. Like we were talking about coincidentally, as we were starting the call just talking in context of like overall world right now.

Coach Ajit (30:52):
Right? So there are gonna be seasons and such as life. Uh, what we wanna see is how we can go through these seasons in the most beautiful way. Like, if winter's coming let's layer up, right. If it's summer let's, you know, get out more easily, whatever that is, that is seasonal. We would change our attitude based on the season. Right. Just like in life. But if it's rain, you go out with an umbrella or a coat or something. Yeah. Right. If it's going to be storm season, you stack up on the food and make sure you're indoors and you've got your resources set up. So yeah, if you, if you look at what is going to happen next as just seasons that are going to happen, they're gonna be seasons and they just change daily. That's the only difference. They're not like a big chunk of season.

Coach Ajit (31:33):
They can change on the day to day basis. Sure. It, it becomes easier for us to say, okay, what do I need for this season? Right. So also think about resourcefulness within yourself as to say, okay, if I'm gonna get into a season where it's really hard to say, communicate in this relationship with Aiden or with his father and so forth, maybe it might require you to say, okay, I need to build an armor for those times. Like these are my three new practices that I will do because it helps me, you know, regulate myself a little bit better and be in that relationship a lot more easily. So, so look at the rest of the time that you're gonna have as seasons that you're gonna have. And hence you might have a toolkit for a particular season because that's how you show up in that particular time. Right.

Cindy Wallace (32:18):
Right. And these things that you have mentioned too, can, what I like about these tools is they can translate into other parts of your life. So like you can for dysfunctional people at work or people going crazy just out and about these days because they have their different point of view. And so yeah, you can, you can... Next situation, which is really cool.

Coach Ajit (32:45):
This is useful across life. Yeah. And that's the beauty of what we actually teach certified life coach, which is called the process, which is a whole model of being able to coach. These are just some of the elements that we, that we covered there. So I'm glad we got this chance. I'm glad that you, you got something useful from it. I'll love to hear back from you whenever you have a chance on if this worked out or not, you have my email address. So just reach out.

Cindy Wallace (33:09):
I have done the exercises in the program. And I think it's like, I just kind of got stuck. It's like, we all hit a point where it's like, okay, I'm doing this, but it's not moving forward.

Coach Ajit (33:24):
Yeah. And sometimes that happens because you need a personal reflection like we did right now. Right. It's these exercises that we talked about are actually in the program, you might have seen them, you might have practiced them. Right. But, but

Cindy Wallace (33:34):
It's easier when you're doing it with someone, right?

Coach Ajit (33:37):
Yes, exactly. Yeah. Because I, I was able to reflect back on how it would show up in a session for you. Yeah. I think it became a little bit easier for you to now go, ah, that's how you use it. Yeah. That's how you practice it. That's how it would help. So what I would love to hear is how it continues to help you. Okay. Just send me a note on my email address. All you gotta do is say, Hey, a J this is I tried today. It worked, it didn't work. Even if it didn't work, let me know. Okay. So then we can work on giving you alternatives of how to tweak that exercise to make it work for you. Because sometimes, you know, it's like a little nuance, uh, that one must be mindful of like, you don't just look at it like a movie. You have to actually empathize with the person on the other end. And that's a little nuance. It's, it's part of that makes the technique even more powerful. So stuff like that. So, so reach out to me. I'm very happy to, to support you through this journey. So just hit me up and, and I'm, I'm super excited for you. Perfect.

Cindy Wallace (34:29):
Thank you.

Coach Ajit (34:30):
Well, thank you so much for taking the time. Cindy,

Cindy Wallace (34:32):
Thank you for your time.

Coach Ajit (34:34):
These techniques are powerful. What I shared with Cindy, you can use in your own life. You can use these techniques with your clients. You can use these techniques in your own day to day reality like Cindy reflected everything that she learned, the techniques that she learned, the way she was being coached. She realized that that was not only applicable in her life, in that particular situation that we were coaching on, but these techniques were applicable everywhere. This could be used in your work. This could be used in between your friends. These could be used in a coaching relationship. This could be used everywhere. So go ahead and use these techniques in your life and in your coaching practice. If you have been enjoying Master Coaching with Ajit podcast, I really encourage you to take a couple of extra seconds and give us a five star rating here on the platform that you might be listening to this podcast on. Thank you so much for tuning in. This is Coach Ajit and you're listening to Master Coaching with Ajit.

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